Long Distance relationships

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mb_rockstar
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Post by mb_rockstar »

hi mike

i thought we talked about tuesday already. it was better to meet up on thursday, but unfortunately i needed to take care of some serious issues at home.

i'll give you a call about working out sometime. i'm still in a bit of a bind right now. also, i hate driving in the rain so, i hope it stops soon.

i would love to go to the getty again. let me know in advance when you guys are planning to go. :)
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
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Post by Mikey_ »

Wish you well and that things will be resolved for you.

I love the rain, but lately I've been pretty bad about driving in the rain in the dark. May need new glasses :P

Michael
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Post by mb_rockstar »

thank you mike. things are getting a bit better now. just takes some time to mend and heal wounds.

anyhow, i love the rain also...as long as i'm not driving. lately, i've been craving hot chocolates with marshmallows or whipped cream on top. if i'm feeling a little daring, i'll add some bailey's irish cream to it.

^_^
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Post by Lexi »

Hi Michael,

I am glad to hear that my memories uplifted your spirits. I must admit that most of your messages regarding this topic have done the same for me. Thanks!

You are so cute! :D I can’t believe that you still take time to compile and edit old videos of you and your ex girlfriend. She is a lucky woman to have someone who loves her as much as you do in her life. For both of your sakes, I hope that she someday realizes how lucky she is and you two live happily ever after. I can’t tell you how much I wish you the best on this. :D

Your description of your thoughts and feelings on the pain of the separation always ring a bell with me. Tim died 2 years ago this past December. Though the pain is still a very powerful feeling in me, I can’t really explain it, but it is beginning to mellow out for me. Like you, I still hurt a great deal and feel all kinds of pain over his death. At the same time, I am feeling better about this whole thing. I feel a certain peace that has been elusive for the last two years. I wish I could explain where my newfound cheer is coming from but I can’t. I don’t quite understand it myself. I’m just grateful for it. I still miss him dreadfully and still cry often. I can’t help it, I miss Tim sooooo much. It’s his birthday this month. He would have been 31 years old. I know that January 20th will be a crybaby-ish day for me. But for some strange reason, I still feel acceptance and a genuine desire to live again. It’s strange, this feeling of peace and warmth but I will take it. Anything is better than the way I have been feeling for quite some time now.

You and Kim are really cute. I love the “Kim spelled backward means Mike” thing. I think you guys are really adorable. :D

You mentioned something about not being “on the same page” as Kim right now. My feelings were similar towards most of my friends in the first year after Tim died. Suddenly, I just had nothing in common with my old circle of friends and I just kind of dropped off the face of the earth for a while. I’m slowly returning to being my usual sociable self. Unfortunately, my reemergence didn’t occur as quickly as some of my friends would have preferred. No bad feelings about this on my part. I understand that the first year, I was wreck. :(

I was in such bad shape that first year that I went to my hair salon and had them chop off all of my hair. I have a short pixie cut now that I absolutely love. I had my hair cut short because I was so out of it that I didn’t even want to brush my hair most mornings. It became an effort even to do that simple task. I figured I better do something with my hair before I got fired from work for showing up looking like a maniac with uncombed and disheveled looking hair. I wanted an easy, no-fuss haircut that didn’t require blow-drying and was very low maintenance. Short hair did the trick. I am starting to let it grow back but I kind of like my hair short now. So who knows what I will do next? Maybe I will get a Mohawk… Just kidding! :D


It’s funny how Kim’s parents didn’t really welcome you at first. Tim was in the same boat as you. My family only accepted him when it became apparent that their behaviors towards him were pushing me away. They realized that I was really in love with this guy and that they would lose me if they did not cooperate. Things were strained for a while between all of us but we got through it. My family loves me and was just a little wary of this blonde haired and blue eyed guy that was keeping me out into the early morning hours. I always feel that Tim helped me mature with regards to this. My love for him was so great that I was willing to go up to bat for him. He helped me see that I could respect my family and still stay true to myself. My next boyfriend is going to owe Tim big time.

One thing that your relationship reminds me a great deal of my own relationship with Tim is that your personality and Kim’s personality seem very at odds with each other. Truthfully, I don’t know how Tim and I fell in love. We had different ideas on so many topics. Kind of weird but they do say that opposites attract.

You made me laugh when your comment that Kim nagged you about starving to death. A similar experience happened to Tim and I. The month after Tim graduated from college; he landed a pretty good job and decided to move out of his parent’s home. He purchased his own home. We were so excited! We had a ball decorating it together. I started to buy him all kinds of things to furnish his new home with. I knew that he was feeling a little bit homesick and I wanted to help him make his new place feel like home. He was fine with everything I bought for his living room. He loved the chenille throw that I had purchased for his couch and the matching pillows. He loved the lamps that I chose. He loved the candles that I bought him. Then I moved on to the bathroom. I think I got too zealous with the bathroom d?cor. I purchased him all kinds of things in a soft blue. I figured that blue would be fine. Blue was manly, wasn’t it? Wrong. He made a rude remark about the towels I had purchased for him and I was totally offended. I can’t remember what exactly he said to me. Geez, it was so long ago… I just remember that it had something to do with him telling me to stop buying him useless and ridicules things for the bathroom. My feelings were so hurt. As is true to my nature, I didn’t let his comment get me too down. My feelings were hurt but I’m not really the type to sulk or hold a grudge. Instead, I plotted my revenge.

The next time I went to Mervyn’s I had my eye out for buying him something totally ridicules to teach him a lesson. I found just the thing, too! I figured, if he thought my towels were ridicules, he hadn’t seen anything yet. I bought him this totally stupid, impractical and unnecessary banana holder in the shape of a Hawaiian retreat complete with hammock to hold the bananas. It was a huge contraption that would take up most of his kitchen counter space and it only held like two bananas. I figured that he would take one look at it and be sorry that he ever opened his mouth to criticize my towels.

My plan backfired. He loved his new banana holder and couldn’t thank me enough for bringing it to him.

These are the types of tiffs Tim and I had. I could not stay mad at this guy for all the money in the world. He was always kissing and hugging me. How can you stay mad at someone that just wants to kiss you and squeeze you all day long? I can’t. Though I gave him plenty of reason at times, he never really got mad at me either. It was kind of fun knowing that there was nothing I could ever do or say that would make him stop loving me. Keep your fingers crossed that I find myself another man who loves me as much as Tim did. I sometimes worry that I will never find such a man again. But anyway, I’ll save that discussion for another time. :D

I have to agree that your relationship sounds like it got off on the wrong foot. The lack of communication and the long work hours definitely sounds like it was what did you two in. Those things are workable problems though and I am confident that your next partners whether they be each other or somebody completely different will be much easier.

I hope that you are fully aware that you are not the only one who failed in this relationship. You mentioned that you were never quite sure why Kim changed her mind about you and decided to date you. There should never really be any doubt about why a woman is dating you. Her actions, her thoughts, her words, should be telling you in no uncertain terms that she is dating you because she thinks that you are the most amazing person in the world. From what you have written, I simply see a severe breakdown in communication from the both of you. These things happen and I hope that you can move on. Doesn’t it feel good to have lived and learned?

I totally echo your sentiment about if you had known then what you do now, things would be different. Tim and I had our sours moments, too. We didn’t always communicate effectively either. Communicating effectively is an art that I have not yet fully mastered. We did try our best though and most disagreements were dispelled quickly. I couldn’t stay annoyed with him and neither could he stay annoyed with me.

Michael, when you truly love someone things just work out on their own. O.k. enough of my lovey-dovey-ness. I just want you to know that I think you will make an amazing boyfriend. Your next girlfriend WILL be a lucky girl and I hope you get what your heart desires. :D


Let’s see, who was our business writing teacher? I don’t remember. I just remember that she had curly, blonde hair and looked to be in her 60’s. Nice lady but she gave me a B. Tim received an A. He was very bright and a total butt kisser. I love him to death but it’s true. He brown-nosed his way to an A in that class. He had written a sample resume and cover letter for this teacher as an assignment. He took this resume on a job interview and got the job. I think it was with the Chinese Daily News or something like that. He came back to class and announced to the teacher that the resume that he had written for her in class had helped him get his first professional job. He was full of thank you’s and compliments. The teacher ate this up. She was thrilled that she had been able to help him land his first job. He became her star pupil. Total teacher’s pet. :D

Oh my gosh! I just ate Braziliian food for the first time, too! :D I ate at this restaurant near the Puente Hills Mall. It was so good! Very interesting experience, indeed. I hadn’t expected to watch a show while eating my dinner. Man, I got to learn how to dance! Those girls were something else! It was kind of funny actually and I think the scantily clad women embarrassed my companion a bit. I know that I could feel a blush coming on. I hadn’t expected Brazillian dancers to be walking around the restaurant shaking their stuff. I certainly won’t be returning there with my parents but it was fun. The food was delicious! :D


Did you make the Orange chicken? That’s one of my favorite dishes. Yum! I don’t cook much but if I did Orange chicken would be on my menu often. I don’t think that I have ever tried Hawaiian food. Sounds delicious, though and I will have to check it out soon.

It’s been fun but I have to go. I have some work to prepare for a meeting at work tomorrow. I hope that you have a great evening!

And thanks again for always being so candid with your comments. I wish you well!

Lexi
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Post by Lexi »

Mb,

Mmmm hot chocolate. That sounds so good right now. I didn't have time to eat dinner yet and I am starving.

I hate driving in the rain, too. It was pouring rain when I drove to work this morning. It was the pits but I got there safe.

Bye!

Lexi
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Post by Mikey_ »

Good to have the forum back up. I'll respond more another time, but I wanted to add that I've given both of my palm trees to my parents (they made me the Austrian Sachertorte -- a cake exclusively made for the ruler of Austria back in its heyday. Last time I had one was over 14 years ago! It's very, very chocolatey and requires a LOT of time and effort to make. Yum!)

My mom is going to try to revive one of them. The other one's dead for sure. I'll be getting new plants from my parents sometime -- she said that they come from Europe and are very expensive. I have no idea what she's talking about :?

To replace the empty spot next to my TV, I've purchased a fish tank... I've always wanted to have one but was always afraid to keep one (due to lack of knowledge and fear of my apartment being TOO hot in the summer.) But you know what? I've decided to keep one anyway full of goldfishes, and White Clouds. Let's see if I'll be able to care for them when they are sick and all :) I'll have lots of fun decorating the tank! I'm already excitingly looking up aquarium pictures for ideas! :) :) :)

Won't be able to buy any fishes until Tuesday though as the water is being neutralized with a conditioner. Will be going to Brea's Walmart later today to buy some Gravel though :)

Hmmm... I'm so excited! Last time I've been this excited was when I purchased the plants :)

Michael
Last edited by Mikey_ on Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Lexi »

Hi Michael,

Happy birthday, to you! That Sachertorte sounds delicious. You are so lucky to have a mom who bakes you good stuff to eat. Chocolate, hmmm... I love chocholate! Cookies, cake, pie, ice cream, strawberry soda, I love sugar.

Most peoples complexion suffers when they consume large amounts of sugar the way I do but I have always been lucky. Other things affect my complexion more such as lack of sleep, not eating enough, etc. My sugar addiction, thank goodness, has never presented any problems for me. Thoughts of your chocolate torte are making me want to go get a scoop of chocolate ice cream. This past summer, Baskin Robbins had a really good flavor of ice cream that I have been craving lately. They only serve it seasonally and it is called Baseball Nut. It's delicious! It has no chocolate in it but I usually had them make it in a sundae for me and so they would always pour hot fudge on top. I can't wait for the summer to be here again. I hate the rain.

Fish tank. Cool. I love looking at aquariums. It's so relaxing just to watch the fish swim by. I have a friend who has a huge fish tank. He built himself a sort of wooden cabinet to display his tank. It looks really nice.

I have one fish. She lives in a bowl. It's a big bowl and it's decorated with pretty rocks and a small castle for her to sleep in. My fish is a Beta fish named, Gertie. I just got her for Christmas. She's doing o.k. She spazzes out sometimes and races around and around the bowl. I'm not sure why she is so calm sometimes and than frenzied at other times but so far she seems to doing fine. I don't really have the time to maintain a full blown aquarium right now. I do love how they look though and if things go well with Gertie, I might consider going further and getting an aqaurium.

This should be fun for you! Shopping for fish toys is fun. Let me know how your fish are doing when you have time.

I'm off to run some errands. I hope that you have a great day!

Lexi
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Post by Mikey_ »

Hello :) You ladies love chocolate, don't you? haha... I like certain types of chocolate, particularly those from Switzerland, but in this day and age, I've got to watch my figure, if you know what I mean? *walking around like a model and then falling down the runway*

Mb, hope the inventorying at your work isn't taking its toll on you. Leave some energy for when you come over so that I can bug the heck out of you! :) Hope things at home are doing well for you too now.

I've picked up a new hobby to keep me busy. Always been wanting to do it but never did due to the large amount of research you have to do. Wondering what that may be? Well, you'll see when we meet again :roll: Warmth and the feeling of love and care has been coming back to me the past couple days. If I can't share my love and caring with my ex, then I might as well direct it towards something else, right? So happy :) (Well, not 100% happy, but you get the idea.)

So, shall I post my reply before heading to bed this late in the morning?

I applied to ConAgra Foods for a full-time position last week. I hope I'll get in because the job description sounds TAILOR-MADE! There still is a chance for me to turn it down though depending on the work environment and the company's culture/ IT Department's culture.

The other day I also saw a $55,000-$65,000 IT opening for the City of Brea. Sounded tempting (because I wouldn't mind having a stable government job), but the amount of work and knowledge they expect you to have was just INSANE for this pay range.

Lexi,

Two of the videos have been completed. My current favorite is the Aquarium of the Bay (San Francisco) one. Mb will definitely be going to see it, and perhaps one day I may have the priviledge of showing it to you as well. The most endearing vacation tape -- I'm too scared in a way to even start it. It's the video that was shot at Universal Studios a month after we officially became a couple. We looked so happy together then. Another reason for why I somewhat refuse to work on it is because I've told myself that there are other priorities right now. One, starting my career up again. Two, finding the cheery, sarcastic, friendly, caring, dry-humored self again. Three, making improvements in life and family. Four, strengthening existing or potential friendships that are worth keeping. An unmentioned priority is to try to always be there for my first love because I know that one day she'll be hurt. With the pain and hurt of recent, I hope that I'll be able to find it in me somewhere to still be there for her when that day comes.

So, that Universal Studios video may take a while to finish. Oh, another priority is to get HKSS.com renovated.

Bored yet? Yeah, me too. Change of topic.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. Guess what? My ex didn't call, e-mail, or text message me that day to send her wishes. It struck me: I've been pushed out of her radar completely. Well, her loss. I know I'm not as stupid or as bad as she tended to make me feel like. One of my female friends unknowingly reminded me that I AM significant and intelligent -- just in ways that my ex took and has been taken for granted.

Enough of pointing fingers though. The relationship turned bad due to a vicious cycle that just kept building up and was left unresolved. I played a big part in it, and I also know that work played a major part in it. So, I'll leave it at that.

As you can probably tell, I'm in a weird mood today. Well, not really weird because it's fueled by something that I saw the other day while driving on the freeway, but I'll leave that alone too. So, I'm just writing whatever's coming into my mind right now so that tomorrow when the head is clear again, I can come back and try to comprehend my current mood. It helps sometimes :)

I wish I could do something for you on the 20th, Tim's birthday. Let me know if you want to meet up with mb_rockstar and me and we can figure something out :)

You know what, Lexi? Even though you've been hurt by your loss, I think it's safe to say that if Tim were still here, he'd WANT you to be happy. He'd WANT you to remember the 20th not as a reminder of you missing him, but as you being thankful for the wonderful 4 years you two had together. When that day comes, look up into the sky, smile, and thank him. Then try to enjoy that day and the rest of your life because I'm sure that when you're happy, his heart would fill with warmth and joy. That's how I feel toward my ex right now. I have seen things in her eyes and words that are very painful to see, but at the same time knowing that she's happy tends to put a smile on my face. You know? I've been singing along songs again not too long ago. The last time I did that was back in high school!

So, smile, try to be happy, and enjoy your life -- Tim would want you to do that. :) I think he'd want you to find someone who'd make you laugh just as much as he did.

I'm also slowly re-emerging with my friends. My friends know what I'm going through, but only 2 of them regularly ask me how I am doing. In fact, one of them (the same female friend who unknowingly reminded me of what kind of person I am) is trying to cheer me up later tonight by cooking a delicious meal we haven't had for a while. We used to be close friends but the break-up took us apart so much that we nearly became strangers. Her boyfriend also is a good friend and has been giving me encouraging words.

I think I've improved quite a bit. I can't let my ex hurt me any more (I know it's unintentional), and definitely not a former friend of mine either. The new hobby really put a smile on my face throughout yesterday and earlier this evening prior to replying here. Oh, there's a sad story I could share along with the hobby, but it'll be secret for now :)

Mohawk? Nice! The time when you do that for a whole week, completely spray-painted in various neon colors, I'll shave my head for the first time. Deal? Yeah, my buddies are gonna get a laugh out of this one! :-D

Correction, Lexi: Kim's parents NEVER welcomed me (at least not physically.) I knew they accepted me through Kim, but I never felt welcomed -- ever. Except that one night when her dad invited me for dinner after washing her car and her dad's van. I chickened out. Why? As I said before: I never felt welcomed and our first conversation wasn't the friendliest either.

Very true, your next boyfriend IS going to owe you big-time for being more assertive while still loving your family. It took me a while with my own family as well, but I can see that my parents love and care for me more than ever now. See? Sometimes causing a little friction can do wonders :)

I've also been told by grandpa over 4 months ago that among all his grandchildren, I was his favorite. Hard to believe as he always called me (endearingly) a "useless penis" while growing up. You see, I'm not as much a handy person as my dad, but looking back, I realize that I am NOT that useless either when compared to all my relatives and the people around me. I may lack the experience in life (hey, remember that essay about my family? Considering what we went through, I think I turned out pretty okay), but I definitely am making up for it in other areas. Anyway, after grandpa sharing his feelings about me and after noticing how much grandma likes me too, I felt better. Then the break-up with Kim happened and boom, I felt like CRAP during this road to recovery.

The other day, grandma gave me a call and said things that really warmed up my heart. I'll be seeing them again soon.

Hahaha... that story about you decorating Tim's home :) It made me laugh (even after reading it for the second time!) You know what's funny? I was actually going to buy that banana hammock over 2 months ago as my fruit basket! :) Settled on a big bowl from Walmart instead :)

When you described how you enjoyed decorating his home, it reminded me of my refusal to decorate my apartment. You see, mom was always against me doing any decorations while renting a place. Her reasoning was that it wasn't a permanent home, would be a hassle to move, and you'd be throwing away most of the things once you purchased your own house. You could buy everything brand-new and mix and match to your heart's delight with the money saved over the years once you do have a permanent home. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, Kim didn't like that and it apparently caused friction within herself. I always felt that we were going to get married soon and that I'd LOVE to start decorating our new home. So, I kept refusing to furnish my apartment and used milk boxes as furniture instead. How ghetto was that? hahaha... Well, my place looks a lot better now and mom actually was happy with what I did. I told her not to be upset and that I wanted to do this because it makes me feel better. She smiled and commented on how nice some of the decorations are. Then I hinted at her about my new hobby and she smiled again with a weird look this time. I can't wait to show it to her next time :)

You can't believe how MUCH I've learned the past half year and how much I've accomplished -- especially the things I had ALWAYS wanted to do but just never took the step to start (or finish) it. Again, my horrendous hours at work took a BIG toll in me. I actually recalled earlier today that my energy level had indeed dropped ever since I started working there.

Scuba diving still is on my list of things to try once it gets warmer :) You have to take a certification for it before you can go on your own. I've heard stories of a few people panicking during a test where they are placed in-between sea weed and drowned. Brrrr!

Yes, I never was sure why Kim changed her mind overnight about dating me. Remember, for a whole year she kept telling me that there was absolutely NO chance of a date. She's mysterious in some ways. This was one of them. Even now she's sort of mysterious about why she's so unwilling to give me one chance to prove myself, but a few looks into her eye and I found what I needed to know. Her heart's telling me a different story though, especially when she and I are alone by ourselves. It's much more different than what she's been telling me through her mouth. I guess that's why she refuses to stay over by ourselves. Her mind's somewhere else. I hope she won't get hurt.

Don't get me wrong, even though I didn't know why she changed her mind, her love for me was unquestionable! My love for her was questionable though. Remember, we got off on the wrong foot. My love for her now is much stronger than 5 years ago (for sure), but even if she does offer to come back today, I'd open up my arms wide, hold her, hug her, and then take a deep look into her eyes and see what's going on. In other words, with the pain and suffering I've been going through, I know I won't welcome her back 100%. It'd take time to consolidate and work things out, and it'd also be up to how much our love for each other would be when that time comes.

Would I be a good boyfriend? I think so. Still have lots to learn, but with enough respect, love, care, trust, patience, respect, love, and trust, almost any relationship will work out.

Lexi, when you said that if you truly love someone, things will work out on their own, I have to partially disagree. I knew I loved Kim. I knew she loved me unconditionally. I just didn't know how to handle the relationship, particularly with the negativity and stress from work. It would be more accurate to say, "If you truly love someone, and you have the appropriate knowledge and experience, things will work out on their own."

Haha... teacher's pet :) I was the pet for many adults during my childhood as well: school, friends' parents, etc. No, wasn't kissing up or anything. They just treated me better than others for some reason.

I remember back in 5th grade, I had always been a peaceful person who tried to avoid confrontations (hey, living through a war was bad enough!) and so whenever somebody bullied me (Asians were a huge minority in Austria at that time), most of the girls in the classroom would gather around me and just yell at the person. Even the pretty girls came to my rescue :) I felt like a wimp and was ashamed, but in hindsight, it only highlights that I try to resolve problems without violence. Nothing beats living through a violent time as a little child during a war.

That Brazilian restaurant sounds like fun! I'm sure I'd have blushed if it were me in there. I enjoy food and am not afraid to try anything new. Heck, I ate alligator, rabbit, lamb, and other meats all on the same night at that Brazilian restaurant! I even tend to mix and match odd foods to see how they tasted (that female friend of mine I mentioned twice earlier does the same thing.) I'm also usually the one who'd be brave enough to order something that nobody else wanted to try. You know... there are those who like to explore and there are those who like to stick to food they know they'll like.

I remember that Boba shop in Rowland Heights. Red Bean? Forgot what it's called. I tried 5 different drinks and all 5 were nasty! Then I tried one of my friends' regular drinks (again, he sticks to stuff he knows he'll like) and sort of like it. Nothing spectacular or anything. I'll stick to TeaZone, thank you. My friends kept laughing about how surreal it was that 5 tries had 5 strikes. But they were glad I was the one experimenting because they were eager to find a new favorite. Too bad I eventually gave up on that Boba chain :)

Yup, made Orange Chicken on Sunday with a Korean friend of mine and her ex-boyfriend. It didn't come out like this one restaurant I like, but it wasn't bad. They both liked it.

Next on my list is Chicken Soup. Yup, good old-fashioned Chicken Soup. Made some last week for the snowboarding trip, but it didn't come out like how I wanted it to. I mean, it was good until I added potato and a bunch of other veggies. Learn and try again :) The snowboard trip was cancelled since it was raining and there would have been a winterstorm. Sure enough, the day of my birthday, Mt. High closed at 11am. Big Bear Mountain closed completely and a few of my acquaintances were forced to turn around and go home. Well, I was stuck with a veggie-filled chicken soup enough to feed at least 15 people! I'm almost done with it all. Just one more day... :) Then I have to finish the two Austrian cakes as well before making Chicken Soup Attempt #2 for this coming weekend (I plan on going snowboarding with or without Kim. I haven't told her about it yet as I'm still hurt by her forgetting to send me her wishes on the actual birthday. It shows how important she regards me now. Thanks, "buddy.") Anyway, mom also called to let me know she made a LOT of Sour soup that's ready for pick-up next time I come visit. Yikes! This month is Soup month!

I'll attempt to make Vietnamese Pho sometime. I love Pho! What the pho? hehehe... It's best on a rainy day or a cold winter night (like right now!) Hmm... I just mentioned another soup dish. Ack.

Mom made wonton a few weeks ago. I'll have to remember to ask her how she made them. She'll be teaching me how to make Sour soup sometime. Mmmm! Spend some quality time with mom at the same time ;)

Other goals include upgrading my car's standard audio system, and I'll use that opportunity to spend time with dad (although I could figure it out on my own. I'm the type of person who may not know how to do something, but by golly, I am very good at research and figuring things out. One of my former employers helped me realize that, and recently, one of my friends reminded me how good I am with troubleshooting. Got any trouble for me to shoot? hehehe... Yeah, dry humor, I know.)

What else would I like to do? Oh, the past few months I had been conquering a lot of my fears. Considering how my dad is in some ways, I think I've accomplished a lot of things by breaking his weaknesses that I found within me. One fear I definitely would like to break someday is: the beach. Dad loves swimming in the ocean. I am afraid of it. Mainly due to Jaws (the movies.) The water is so green and I can't see what's underneath! Scuba diving will definitely help with that fear of the unknown.

One fear I don't think I'll ever be able to conquer: dating. I'm scared of it. I have no experience with it. Pretty woman comes along and I shy away big-time. I stumble. I choke. I look around frantically trying to avoid eye contact, even after I've known her for a while. I don't know what to say. I make a fool out of myself trying to make jokes. I may even run into walls or the door by accident (hey, did that with Kim a couple times.)

What I definitely wouldn't do to impress a woman: driving recklessly, smoking, drinking, flexing my muscles (or in my case, love handles hehehe), moving my eyelids up and down, walking down the runway and falling off of it (actually, I might do that!)

Would that fear I just described prevent me from finding someone? No. I've been lucky that I never really had to ask anyone out once people knew me well enough. I'm not saying that I'm a hottie. No, not at all! I'm saying I'm someone who'd fall off the runway even if I were a hottie. I just turned everybody down due to my loyalty for Kim despite the problems we had.

Come to think of it, I actually realized that I like the nerdy type. One of my friends cracked up when he heard that. What's wrong with that? Kim is geeky AND pretty. I guess I like the look of a fun-loving, intelligent, yet goofy, sweet and innocent, yet sexy woman.

Am I in the market right now? Some people feel that I should. No. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Contrary to you and Mb, I actually enjoy the rain. As a kid, I'd purposely get off the tram (in Austria) and walk in the rain. The stupid me actually had a bright idea: how about walking in the rain and use your kung fu skills (yeah, those supernatural powers you see in the likes of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) to avoid the rain drops? For a while I actually thought I was able to do it! I'd be walking down a street and only feel a couple drops land on my head! Niiiiiiiice! Well, duh. It wasn't even raining that hard hehehe...

I'd have loved to jump into puddles, but we were poor at that time and I knew we couldn't afford new clothing. I also didn't want mom to have to wash extra clothing.

I sometimes like to drive in the rain. I just find the splashing of water to the sides of the car very fun when you drive over puddles. But when I do that, I am always careful to make sure no pedestrian was around. Wouldn't want to make anyone wet now, would we? But one thing I do dislike about rain: when I want to go to the beach or when I have to drive in the dark. My vision's not as good as it used to be (used to have 20/10), and so driving in the rain often becomes a pain.

Driving in the rain also allows me to spend some quality time with myself. No, not that, you perv! Listening to music, thinking, relaxing... stuff like that. When it rains, traffic tends to be light and slow. That's why sometimes I actually don't mind being stuck in traffic either, especially when I was with Kim, although that was difficult at times: traffic drives her NUTS. Her mood's very susceptible to stress, but I don't want to talk about her weaknesses right now. That's for her to work on and not for me to nag on any more.

Lexi and MB: you both should watch your sugar intake. My grandma's a diabetic partially because of that. Sugar can only be good up to a certain point (as everything else in life.) Heck, sugar is so bad for you at times that I'm craving a chocolate bar right now hehehehe.... Actually, I need sleep. It's 5:30am. I'll have to be up by 9am today. It's a personal goal I'm setting -- trying to get back on a regular schedule now that I'm applying for jobs again.

Oh shoot! I didn't realize I've already shared with you all that I have a fish tank! Hmph. See? I'm stupid :) Well, the "new hobby" I was talking about is the fish tank. I really, really enjoyed decorating it. I've even come up with a few contraptions to add a little spunk into the tank without spending a dollar (I spent 99 cents.) Bubbles are blowing, things are swaying in the air... errr... water. Gravel looks nice and I have a couple more ideas, but I think I'll slow down for now until I've learned how to properly care for the tank and its inhabitants.

Anyway, the sad story I mentioned earlier about the hobby: I bought 2 common goldfishes today. One was all-orange, one was a red-white one. When I got the latter, I felt it was ugly, but I've come to love it. I named it Nemo because on one side, it had red/white patterns like Finding Nemo. The orange one I called Sleepy because it was always at the bottom of the tank, even when I placed in some food. I knew from my research that it meant that it was sick. Well, didn't know it was THAT sick. Five hours after the purchase, I noticed that one of its eyes became a blurry red. It could barely see out of it! It was so weak and always hiding in the corner.

Nemo kept bullying Sleepy when they both were still in the bag. I thought, "What a jerk! What am I going to do with him (or her)?"

But what touched my heart was how Nemo stayed with Sleepy all the time the past couple hours as if sensing that Sleepy was dying. Every time I looked at the aquarium, Nemo would swim up to me, looked at me, and then swam back to Sleepy as if to remind me that it's sick.

After doing some research, I found that Sleepy had Fish Tuberculosis. It had already progressed to the point that it cannot be saved any more. I felt sooo bad (boy, do I sound gay!) and just kept looking at Sleepy. Whenever I did that, Sleepy would actually attempt to swim towards me, but it got too weak by then.

I was basically wishing and hoping that I'd be able to cure it, but after doing some more research, I found something that just tore me apart: the disease is infectious, even to humans (to some degree.) I had to basically get Sleepy out and let it die before it infected Nemo! Ack. I had to watch Sleepy die in the fish net. It was too weak to even move its fins! After it died, I let Sleepy find its peace in the toilet.

Then I went back to the tank and looked for Nemo. It was just sitting there on the bottom as if it was missing Sleepy, but a few minutes later it swam up to my finger, looked at me for a few minutes, kept following my finger, and then eventually it'd swim quickly to the top of the surface and start popping the air bubbles. It was sooo fun to watch! I was thinking, "What is Nemo doing? Does the tank have enough oxygen? Is that why it's going to the surface?" I was paranoid that I was about to lose another fish by tomorrow, but when I realized that it was just playing with the bubbles, it brought a big sigh of relief :) :)

Then I watched it playfully swim against the current of the water filter. It kept playing and playing and popping bubbles after bubbles. It made me feel as if I was watching a kid at play :)

Eventually I got ready for sleep (well, you already know what I ended up doing: writing this reply post.) Checked on Nemo again before turning off the light and by golly, it swam up to me again. Then it went into a corner as if it knew it was time to sleep.

So, that ugly fish turned out to be one of my favorite fishes. Well, at this moment, it's my ONLY fish heheehe... I plan on purchasing 6 Ghost Shrimps tomorrow to help with the cleanup of the bottom, and 1 more Common Goldfish to keep Nemo company. I'm not sure if I should buy the latter though. After all, Sleepy was sick. What if the rest of the tank at Brea's Walmart was sick too? We'll see how the Goldfishes are moving tomorrow.

See? I've diverted my love and care towards something else other than Kim. Isn't that great? I feel like... I'm slowly finding myself again. The caring, gentle, fun-loving me. The smiling and playful side still hasn't returned yet, but my female friend has been trying to get those out of me recently. She cracks me up at times!

Ice cream... love them. Gotta stay away from them though as I know that consuming large amounts will cause me to gain weight and break out (pimples) on my face. My parents' shop sells ice cream and I can usually eat my heart out, even creating combinations you normally wouldn't be able to purchase in stores :) But hey, I'm not going to throw away nearly a year's full of work in shedding 15 lbs. Ten more pounds to go :)

You've got a Betta fish? hehehe... My female friend jokingly suggested to let me drop her Betta into my tank. Heck no! I don't want Nemo to die! :) I haven't done any research on how to maintain fish bowls, but it's probably safe to say that you should change 15-20% of the water twice a week for maximum health. If you don't have the time, then once a week is fine. Just don't change more than 20% at a time. Refill with tap water. And in all situations, you should change 50-75% of the water once every month. You should also only feed the fish enough food for it ALL to be consumed COMPLETELY. Any leftovers should be scooped out or they'll start rotting and promote diseases and bad bacterial growth.

The rain has stopped. 6am sharp.

Hmm.. oh, I'm planning to buy a very extra-ordinary toy for myself for use with the fish tank :) THAT you will have to see yourself. So, I'm going to try to keep THAT a secret for now :) I'm also going to buy a sign to be placed into the tank. Possible words I plan on using:

"Danger - Fishes on Drugs"
"No Skinny Dipping"
"Found Nemo"
"F* You" (I can only imagine how this would crack up a LOT of people, but it can also be offensive to some others.)
"I'd rather be swimming in a Honda"

Any funny suggestions on what to put on the sign? I've found a place that can custom-make one for about $15 shipped.

Or I may settle for the generic, "No Fishing" sign if I find a design I like. I'm also in the market for a Red-roofed pagoda or Red-columned Asian gate no more than 4" tall and 3" wide.

Okie dokie. Time for sleep.

Thanks for umm... "listening." You all have a GOOD day!

Michael

EDIT: How did you know it was my birthday this past weekend?
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Post by mb_rockstar »

gosh mike...you wrote a book. LOL*

quick and easy:

yes i love chocolate, but i don't eat much of it. i'll have a piece once in a great long while. i'm not much of a sweet tooth.

yes, inventory is all done. thank goodness!! i'm so tired, but i'll be fine.

i have two betta fishes. these kind of fishes are the easiest to take care of. also, they are pretty smart. they recognize me when i come home and they do this little dance and when they are hungry, they flap their fins very quickly and stay at the top of the tank. if they are mad, they jump out of the water half way. :P haha that's when i tease them. i love decorating too, but i don't have enough funds to do that right now.
Image
Image

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. yes, i'm going to admit, i didn't know you're b-day was 3 days ago. could you blame me though? it's been awhile since we last talked or hung out. ^_^ i'll make it up to you some how.

hmm...it's crazy how relationship changes friends. or should i say, we change towards our friends because we want to spend so much time with our significant other. i wish that didn't happened. i lost touch with a lot of friends after they starting dating or going out with someone. :P that's never going to happen to me. i'm going to make it a point to keep in touch with all my good reliable friends. :)

SCUBA DIVING!! sounds fun. snorkling is the closest thing i've come to. i went snorkling on lovers cove in catalina about 2 years ago with a few friends. it was so exciting! being able to be so close to the fishes and feeding then....it's beautiful.

hey! i love the rain. when did i ever say i didn't like the rain? i don't like driving in it too much, but DUDE!! i love walking in the rain and splashing around. for the past few days, i haven't brought an umbrella with me to work, just so i can feel the rain on my face. sometimes, i like to just stand in the rain and look up and watch the rain fall. if it's pouring cats and dogs...i hate driving in the rain. i don't like the idea of not being able to see the road.

aww...i'm sorry to hear about sleepy. the first fishes i had were gold fish and well...thing is, they are really hard to care for. it's a good idea to do research on them.

petco or pet smart has some nice red roof pagoda. :) i know because i was going to buy one also. haven't got around to doing that yet because i want to buy a better tank.

doh! ...i told myself i wasn't going to respond so long. oh well...

cheers!
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
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Post by Mikey_ »

Mb,

As we talked on the phone, don't worry about the birthday stuff. So, with less than 4 hours of sleep last night, here I am replying again before heading for bed :)

Yeah, didn't realize it was a book either hahaha :)

I like the second picture -- for some reason it reminds me of some kind of ballet -- Cirque du Soleil even :)

Did you ever try to make angels in the puddle? You know... "water angels"? :) If you have, good for you! I haven't hehehe...

As I said in our phone conversation, Nemo died too. I noticed a piece of skin hanging off its mouth last night and sadly enough, Sleepy's infection caused fungal growth on Nemo's mouth. Fish #2 gone. Hmph. My new, orange goldfish, named Spunky, is still well alive the past hmm... 12 hours (good!) I was actually surprised to find so many floating fishes at Walmart yesterday when I bought Spunky, and the sad thing is, the associate didn't know what to do with them. Well, I politely told her that she should get rid of them before they infected any more fishes. I made sure she picked a strong one this time -- hence, Spunky. He just swims all over the place with neverending energy! Not just that, but he keeps picking up food from the gravel, stealing all of it from the 6 Ghost Shrimps! I fed him over an hour ago and he's still at it! Spunky indeed!

I actually feel sorry for the Ghost Shrimps, but we'll see if I will server any more. The two White Clouds are still swimming together near the filter's stream. I'll get 3 more next week as schooling fishes should be placed together in groups of 6 or so. And in 2 weeks, I'm hoping to get a Willow crab (the one with a huge claw on one hand) and then 2 Fancy Goldfishes ($5+ each.)

I'll miss Nemo a lot. I have NEVER seen a fish playfully pop bubbles before and finding it motionless tonight wasn't fun. We'll see if it was indeed the fungus and the Fish Tuberculosis from Sleepy killed it or if it was the water.

My friend and I had a tiny chit chat tonight about pets. He agreed that when he had a break-up, his parrot was what kept him sane. So, at least I know that growing fond of the aquarium isn't unusual. It does help.

The Pagoda thing I'll definitely have to check out at PetsMart. Maybe tomorrow?

Spunky's still eating!

Anyway, my eyes are burning... going to sleep after posting some pictures in a bit.

Michael

EDIT: Here are the pictures I promised you... Click to enlarge.

Image Image Image Image
Image Image Image

Descriptions
Pic 1: Front View
Pic 2: View of the left side of the tank
Pic 3: View of the right side of the tank. Has a diver hanging on to a chain attempting to pull up the treasure chest. I've modified the air ducts to not only blow bubbles out of the chest, but also out of the ship wreck.
Pic 4: The 2 White Clouds. They move sooo fast and relentlessly that I was lucky to have been able to have just 1 okay picture of them!
Pic 5: Spunky, the common goldfish.
Pic 6: Spunky and 2 Ghost Shrimps.
Pic 7: Close-up of one of the 6 Ghost Shrimps. They are so transparent, that you can actually watch food travel through them!
Pic 8: Ghost Shrimps. Notice how Spunky just won't stop eating!

There you have it :)
Last edited by Mikey_ on Sun Jun 12, 2005 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Lexi »

I'll have to respond to this message later...I'm out of town right now.

I just had to say, I love your pictures of your fish, MB!!!

I am so jealous of both you and Michael for your really cool looking aquariums. I don't know... I might just have to get one of my own soon.

Hope you guys have a great week!

Lexi
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Post by mb_rockstar »

nice pictures mike ^_^

angels in the puddles? uh...no. lol* angels in the snow, yes. :)

thanks lexi!
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Post by Nniicky »

Just one question : how many time does it take to write your posts ??? they're so long i'm lost i can't read it till the end lolol
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Haha, Nicky :) The last reply took almost 2 hours, I think. I used to love writing stories and let creativity take its course, but ever since I graduated college, I couldn't find the time to do anything creative by hand (still do stuff on the computer) any more. Basically, my mind got trained to think "business" rather than "hobby." I'm in the process of balancing both now so that I can work while still enjoying life and the things I want to do (eg. cooking) :)

Perhaps one day I'll pick up drawing again. Mb_rockstar's going to teach me guitar someday (I've always wanted to learn that and/or Piano -- another female friend of mine may be able to teach that to me in the future once I have my own home.)

How's life treating you and your hunny, Nicky? How's your sister?
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Post by Lexi »

Hi Michael,

I was happy to hear that you had your eye on a position with the City of Brea. I used to audit certain city programs for Brea. It was interesting working with them. It used to be that government jobs were pretty secure but that no longer is the case. With the current political climate, many government jobs are no longer secure. I know that I could be laid off fairly easily if the California budget does not improve.

I remember working with some of the IT guys in the City of Brea. Based on the findings of some of my audits, the county decided to shut down several city programs. I had to ask the IT department for the city to return all of the programs computer equipment. I think I worked out the logistics with a young guy named Randy. I really don’t remember for sure though. It was quite some time ago.

I got back Friday evening from a conference in Riverside. I was soooo tired. 8) I totally could use a back rub. That’s another thing I miss about Tim. He was always ready and willing to give me a massage when I came home from work. He gave the BEST massages. :D

I like working for the government. I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed in my new position right now. I am working longer hours than I am accustomed to and I am doing more traveling than I really want to. I’m a little bit worried about how that will affect me once school starts again. School starts in less than two weeks and I plan on going full time. People have warned me that earning an MBA is not the same as earning an undergraduate degree. I have had several people tell me to not go full-time and work full time but I am not listening. I am going to try it and if I need to, I will drop a class. But I at least want to try it first. I have worked full time while going to school full time in the past. It was difficult but I managed just fine. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I really just want to hammer out this degree as quickly as possible. I need to have a talk with my supervisor to remind him that I can not stay late once school starts. My boss is a great guy. I am really enjoying working with him but he is very disorganized. Disorganization tends to create more work. Oh well… I shouldn’t complain. At least I have a job, right? It’s not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life but it will work until I am done with my degree. I wish you lots of success in your current job search. You are very talented and I know that someone with your computer skills will be an asset to any company.

I am so sorry to hear about your fish! Miraculously my fish is still living. I’ve had gold fish in the past. You know the kind that you get as a prize at a fair or carnival. :D They never really lasted long. I am very impressed with how long I have been able to keep my new pet living. I loved looking at your pictures! You and MB are inspiring me to add more fish to my bowl and perhaps getting a bigger tank. I’ll have to see how things go with Gertie. I didn’t name her that, by the way. The person who gave her to me had already named her and I figured, why confuse her with a new name. Also, thanks for your water changing tips.

I think that is really cool that you are going to fix the audio in your car. What’s even better is that it will give you something in common with your dad. I think it’s very good of you to attempt to hang out with your parents. I hang out with my mom whenever I can. She’s a good lady. We don’t always have a great deal in common. My family is very religious and conservative. I tend to be more liberal. They are very important people to me and despite our having different views on certain topics, they mean the world to me and I am grateful for my family. I am really glad to hear that you are able to spend time with your family.

Ha! Yet another thing you and I share in common. I would no sooner go swimming in the ocean than the man on the moon! I am so afraid of what might be lurking in the water. I have not been to the beach in a while. I can’t wait until the summer. I love the beach! I’m not much of a sun bather but I just love going to the beach, rolling up my jeans and walking around in the surf. I think that the smell of sea air is the best thing in the world. :D Though I probably won’t be scuba diving any time soon, I certainly wouldn’t mind plopping down on the sand and just taking in the beauty of the ocean. I won’t be taking any classes over the summer and I plan to enjoy many an evening hanging out by the beach this summer. Maybe we can get over our fear of the water together… oh my gosh! You are not going to believe what I found in the water the last time I went to the beach. I found a dead dog! It was horrible!!! At first I was not sure what it was. It had washed ashore and it was just kind of laying there. The closer I got to it the easier it was for me to recognize what it was, a drowned dog. I freaked out and ran away. This was about 3 or 4 months ago. I was at an American Diabetes Association charity walk in Huntington Beach.

I think I agree with you on your comments about things not simply falling into place when two people really love each other. I think there is definitely some validity to your statement that experience and knowledge play a large part in whether a relationship will work. Things always just kind of worked out between Tim and me when issues came up. Neither one of us had experience or any kind of real knowledge about how to make a relationship work. There was just a kind of unspoken respect for each other that helped to carry us through things. Our relationship was not perfect but for a couple of inexperienced 20- something year olds we managed to get along really well.

Your fear of dating made me laugh. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I am not really that afraid of dating; I just have never really been on a date with anyone except for Tim. I know that things can be a little awkward sometimes. You are so funny, Michael!!! I can just picture you being extremely nervous and walking into walls and doorframes. For some strange reason, I have never really felt any nervousness around members of the opposite sex. I have no real dating experience and so I suppose that I don’t have that much to go by. I went on group dates a great deal while in college but until Tim, I had never sought the company of someone romantically. I know that Tim was really nervous around me at first. He told me so. He was adorable! I have no idea why he would ever feel nervous around me but he confessed one day, several years into our relationship, that I had made him nervous.

Don’t worry about being nervous when being on a date. It’s natural. Eventually I am going to enter the dating scene again and I will probably feel a twinge or two of nervousness. All of this comes from lack of experience. Just don’t forget you are a total prize and that any woman would be happy to spend time with you. :D

Ahh, Michael! I am so sorry that Kim did not contact you for your birthday. I know that had to hurt. I thought about this for a while and I have to admit that I am not sure why she would do such a thing. It’s really hard to try to guess why people behave in certain manners. You guys dated for quite some time and you seem like a really good person and so I doubt that she did it to be malicious.

I will tell you that I have a box in my closet full of Tim memorabilia. His parents were sooOOOoo good to me. They gave me first dibs on anything that belonged to Tim. They went with me back to Tim’s house and told me to take anything that I wanted. ANYTHING. I was so grateful to them for this. I mean, I am not the man’s wife and I really have no right to any of his possessions yet they treated me as if I were his wife. I met with the lawyers to discuss how to divvy things up. Tim’s dad let me make all the funeral arrangements as I saw fit and he let me decide what to do with most of Tim’s stuff. I couldn’t bear to keep anything and so I bought myself a pretty hat box to put just a few things to remind me of him. I went to his bedroom and took all the love letters that I had ever sent him and put them in this hat box. I took a bunch of small trinkets that we had purchased together and I put as much of this stuff as I could fit in the hat box. I love knowing that I have a hat box full of Tim stuff but I don’t think I could ever bring myself to go through any of that stuff. I just let it sit in my closet and draw comfort knowing that it is there. To me, the fact that Kim did not contact you for your birthday simply sounds like she is trying to forget about you. She probably misses you a great deal but would rather not to have to think about you. I can relate to that. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I doubt that Kim meant any harm. She’s probably just trying to look forward and does not want to rehash old hurts. I don’t go into my Tim memorabilia box for similar reasons. I really love him but for my own well-being I leave the box full of great memories alone. I know that one of these days I will enjoy checking out all the junk that I stuffed into this box but for now, I am happy with kind of forgetting about it and letting it sit in my closet.

That is a very kind offer of hanging out with me on the 20th. Unfortunately, I have a “date” on that day. :D Tim’s dad and I have become quite close and we have a standing dinner date to celebrate Tim’s birthday. It is a tough day for me but I find that being around his parents that day makes me feel better. I don’t see his folks often and I am looking forward to chatting with them. You are very right about Tim not wanting me to be grief-stricken for the rest of my life. I believe that part of my current more hopeful/cheerful outlook on life stems from something within me acknowledging that Tim would hate to see me sad and gloomy. You could not have said it better when you mentioned that you are slowly finding yourself. I totally feel the same way. :D Life is much too short to get hooked on the painful and ugly aspects of living. Thanks again for the offer, though. With any luck, I’ll get to meet you and your amazing fish some other time. Don’t forget. You have to let me give you a tour of the Getty sometime soon.

I am so excited! I leave for Santa Barbara next week. I have wanted to take a vacation for the longest time but because of a variety of commitments a vacation has been impossible schedule. I will only be gone a few days but I can not wait! I’m planning on going to Arizona to visit relatives in a few weeks, also. Once I see how I do juggling work and school, I will put concrete plans in place to go to Arizona for a week and a half. Not sure if I can swing this yet but I will certainly try.

Before I go I just want to also say that I think you and your mom have the right idea in not going over board with your home d?cor. I would save that for when you buy a place of your own, too. It’s important that you are happy and comfortable where you are currently living. I don’t think I would decorate but for the bare necessities if I were renting. That’s my next project! I am saving to buy my own home. I’ll tell you more later. Suddenly I am starving! I think I am going to go make myself a sandwich.

Have a wonderful weekend!

See ya later!

Lexi
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Post by Mikey_ »

Hello,

First, I'd like to let you all know that I went snowboarding with an acquaintance, her boyfriend, and her cousins/sister on Saturday. It was a BLAST! This was the first time I actually got to go without having to teach anyone, thus allowing me to focus on improving my own skills (eg. going on crazy-wild slopes that would make anyone's jaw drop in fear -- I think I even pee'd into my pants. Just kidding :) Although snow DID end up in my pants and down the left leg. My pants are a bit too big now due to my losing of 10 lbs the past 1.3 months.)

I did think of Kim almost all day long and how much she'd have enjoyed snowboarding that day, but she didn't go because it'd have costed $55/person due to the holiday pricing. I bit my tongue because I'd normally offer to pay, but didn't this time. Regardless, I felt bad for going without her.

Anyway, the snowboarding trip was a last-minute invite from my acquaintance and so we only had about 4 hours of sleep -- except for me. I couldn't sleep at all because my head kept going crazy thinking about you-know-who. Went snowboarding without sleep but it seems that my passion for the snow overpowered that basic need :) By the time 7pm came along, I started dozing off in the car. Cold air (lowering the windows) and playing my favorite music would normally help me stay awake, but I didn't want to wake up my passengers (they were sleeping.)

At around 8pm, I gave up and asked if one of the passengers could drive instead. What happened after that I don't remember hahaha... We went to eat Vietnamese Pho though (one of my favorite dishes!) and it was YUMMY!

I think it was 9:30pm when I finally drove myself home but decided to drop by Walmart instead to pick up 1 more common goldfish and 3 more white clouds. I named the new goldfish, "Peace" for its peacefulness in the tank and for apparently calming down Spunky from time to time. It almost has the same effect as what Kim used to do to me: whenever I was tired, upset, or whatever, Kim's company would almost always soothe me. One of my favorite things to do was to place my head on her chest. That soothes me extremely quickly because it always made me feel closer to her heart.

Spunky still is as wild as ever but it too seems to have grown a fondness for Peace. If I'm not mistaken, Spunky is a male and Peace is a female. I can't tell their genders for sure though as many websites claim that it's difficult to determine the gender of goldfishes.

I've also finally found an Asian architecture for the tank that has a bunch of holes in it (so that the fishes can play in and around it) and decided to re-decorate the tank.

See the new pictures, and if you can, please tell me which arrangement you like more: Aquarium 1 or Aquarium 2.

Image Image Image Image Image Image

As you can see from pictures 1, 3, 5-7, Spunky and Peace seem to spend a lot of time together. I'm glad they are compatible :) The 5 White Clouds are together all the time as well (by nature.)

So, I started developing a bad case of coughing on Thursday evening but decided to go snowboarding anyway. I went straight to sleep after re-decorating the fish tank and slept through all of Sunday and woke up at hmm... I don't remember. Midnight of Monday? Yup, been feeling pretty sick and miserable lately. This has never happened before and I'm sure my multiple dreams of holding Kim on the new sofa and just plain talking and smiling at each other has something to do with it. I haven't been dreaming for a VERY, VERY long time and you know what they say: you usually dream because your subconscious mind is longing for something. It wasn't sex/wet dreams, I can tell you that for sure. Missing Kim hasn't been painful as it used to be any more because I've slowly been becoming more accepting of the situation and wanting Kim to find whatever makes her madly happy. I truly want her to find whatever makes her happy. Dealing with the emptiness and my new-found love and appreciation for Kim has been difficult nonetheless. The thought that she's happy every day now does soothen me. I've actually caught myself praying to whoever wants to listen that nothing bad will happen to her for any lifetime she'll be living through.

Watched "The Aviator" at around 2am today and don't see why it got the Golden Globe Best Picture award :)

Oh, made Chicken Soup again and this time it turned out better :) It still isn't like how I'd like it to be though, but maybe 3rd time will be the charm :)

Lexi,

I've heard from a couple past students who worked/work for the government that government jobs indeed are no longer as secure as they used to be, including the ones overseas. However, one of them knows about a loophole that would get your position back after a year or so.

Massages... Always been wanting to learn them. Was told a LONG time ago that my shoulder and back massages were pretty good, but I have absolutely NO idea what happened because I apparently stink at that now. Hmph.

Got a new-found liking for the Lord of the Rings movie soundtrack after playing a LOTR computer game for a couple hours earlier today to get my mind off things. Especially like the music that's played for the Knights of Rohan and for Sam Wise -- sweeping music always seems to bring out a good-feeling, tear-jerking kind of emotion in me. I'm a sucker for Romantic movies because of that.

Movies that convey great, human suffering (particularly love or family relationships) always get that emotion out of me because I hate to see people suffer. Perhaps this partially describes why I was an instructor for a while. I don't know. I think that learning about the Cambodian Genocide and writing about my family's history has changed me forever since the day that story was written. I often have longings to go out and help the World, but I always tell myself that I cannot do that as my parents would never approve of me doing so. I'm expected to be successful financially, family-wise, physically, and emotionally. My parents have always told me that they want nothing more than knowing that their kids are happy, healthy, and successful. They have been sacrificing a lot to maintain this hope.

I have always envisioned myself giving away much of my money to the needy once or if I ever possess millions of dollars, depending on if my family/wife would approve of such an act. I don't know where this vision/urge came from. I've had it since I was a little kid.

Anyway, taking care of a fish tank is difficult, Lexi. Don't get into it unless you've got the time and energy to do so :)

My friends went to the beach yesterday. Couldn't join them due to my cough/runny nose. Was such a BEAUTIFUL DAY yesterday too (in a way, that worries me for this coming weekend though: will Mt. High have enough snow left?) Anyway, I absolutely was awestruck the first time I saw a beach back in freshman college on a biology field trip (1996.) Yes, I didn't see a beach until I was that old (not counting my early childhood in Cambodia of course, of which I remember practically nothing.)

I couldn't remember how to get to that beach until a year later when Kim took me to HER favorite beach: Corona Del Mar. It was the EXACT same beach I fell in love with on the biology trip and has also been my favorite ever since.

I absolutely love exploring the tide pools when the water secedes during low tides. Hmm... something about that sentence doesn't seem right in terms of spelling. Oh well.

I probably will take my first step into the Ocean very soon. It's one of the fears I have on my list that I'd like to conquer. It can't be that bad...

Dead dog in the ocean? Ewww! A year ago, I saw a sick seal on the beach. We had to keep our distance though in case it'd come up and bite.

About the dating thing: I'm sure I'll be able to handle it. It's not on the top of my list of things to do right now though. Hmm... running into the wall probably would happen before that :) There have been 2 women at my previous workplace who are quite cute and interesting who were interested in me (one of them even said so), but I told them straight out (well, in an indirect, polite way) that I'm not open for dating at this moment as I do not want a possible rebound to hurt anyone. Sometimes I feel like slapping myself though because I tend to think of other people's feelings before my own. That said, I don't know what the heck happened between Kim and I and why I gave up on our relationship.

Ah, cough's coming back!

It's good that you keep things of Tim in your closet and not opening it, but I think you and I know very well that once you have another significant other, that that box will have to be let go at some point in time if you don't want to make that new love feel unhappy. I have things about Kim in my apartment too and I also know that I'll have to let go of those things someday too.

I'm happy that Tim's parents will be spending the time with you on the 20th. It's good to have people love you this much even after their son's passing. I wish you a happy 20th :) My younger brother's birthday is on the 26th, and Lunar New Year's party will be on the 6th of February. Lots of celebrating to do these coming months :)

Celebrations... February 19 still has a big effect on me. It'd have been my 5th anniversary...

Anyway, have fun in Santa Barbara next week! I've got a few pictures of that place on my website somewhere (in a private folder) and it was pretty nice despite the rainy day. And wow, Arizona right after that? Lucky!

I don't plan on taking any vacations until I've got a solid career going again. And definitely no trips to San Francisco or San Diego anytime soon. Grr... I feel like crying, but that went away before it even started :)

I plan on buying a home too as soon as the market has improved. I've been paying rent since 1995 and if I knew I was going to stay in Fullerton area for this long, I'd have purchased a house back then.

Okie dokie. Going to say adieu for this reply. Don't feel like writing anything more for some reason. Perhaps it's the cough...

Have a good day :)

Michael

PS: Mb, when would you like to come over? Let me know so that I can invite Ji-Hee too. You two girls will probably like each other (no, not in a Lesbian way, silly! You both got a boyfriend!)
Last edited by Mikey_ on Sun Jun 12, 2005 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
mb_rockstar
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Post by mb_rockstar »

hiya mike,

i like aquarium 1. ^_^

um...last week of january would be good for me. wednesday (1/26) or thursday (1/27). let me know what day is good for you. :)

i have a tummy ache, so i'm going to lay down now.

ciao for now!
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Post by Mikey_ »

I think Aquarium 2 is better because (1) less vegetation, (2) easier to clean, (3) more fun for the fishes due to the holes the Asian architecture provides. Look-wise, I like Aquarium 1 more too. That's why I have such a hard time deciding...

Tummy ache? What did you eat? Fart it all out hehehe...

Wednesday or Thursday would be fine for me -- unless I start work by then (I have an interview this week as soon as I get better.) So, the "come visit anyday" thing may not apply for much longer, although you can always visit during the evenings :)

Michael
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Post by mb_rockstar »

um... yea i still like aquarium 1. if that were my tank, i wouldn't mind cleaning up. :)

yea, it was weird. i had a tummy ache all night and couldn't sleep right. i kept waking up every hour. it could have been gas.....but nothing came out. :P

ok, i'll give you a call when i get a chance. what time on...let's say wednesday is good?

if you do get a job before then, i don't mind coming to visit in the evenings. sorry, it's taking me so long, but things just keep coming up. ^_^
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Post by Mikey_ »

I'm not sure what time on the 26th would be good, depending on if or when I start work.

Aquarium 1 required twice as much gravel to keep all the vegetation in place, which also is a big no-no in terms of clean-up and keeping the water at appropriate health level. I just bought a Red-Cap Oanda today, but might have to return it because it's cap isn't big enough :) I've noticed that both Spunky and the Red-Cap (haven't given it a name yet since I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it) explored the temple a few times. With Aquarium 1, there wasn't anything to play with... I'll very likely keep Aquarium 2 for that reason (plus the fact that only 5lbs of gravel is being used -- good for health reasons.)

The Ghost Shrimps also seem to like the darkness of the temple :)

Boy, the Red-Cap Oanda is a BIG bully! I haven't found a reason to like it yet... Spunky is my favorite for now. Peace is just... doing nothing. Every day. Nothing. Just sits there in the corner as if it's sick (maybe it is?) I did notice that it kept spitting out flakes whenever it ate some, but it had no problems eating the Bloodworms (which is a delicatesse for apparently the goldfishes, the shrimps (who would have known??), and the White Clouds.)

Waking up every hour of the night must stink (no pun intended :)) It's gone now, no?

The right-side snowboard boot got one of its lace-holders broken :( Have NO idea how that happened as it was perfectly fine when I took the boots off at Mt. High. It must have become damaged on the way home or at home. Those boots costed me $150 and because I bought it from an expo (Ski Dazzle), Salomon won't consider it as a purchase from an Authorized Reseller -- i.e. no warranty. Hmph! I'm soooooooo disappointed! Snowboarding's becoming an expensive sport for me, but I love it! It's one of the only things that keep me happy nowadays.

So, whatcha up to for this coming week?

Michael

EDIT: By the way, why do you prefer Aquarium 1 over 2?
EDIT 2: Remember how I said that Spunky seems to keep on eating and eating and eating? I just saw it do one of the most disgusting things I've seen for a while: it was pooping and after a while, it came back to the poop thinking it was a bloodworm -- Yes, you've guessed it right, it put it into its mouth and spat it right out... several times hahaha... Yum.
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