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Long Distance relationships
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
Life is good. Be inspired.


Joined: 04 Oct 2003
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Location: Fountain Valley, California (USA)

PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 7:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lexi,

That would be great if you could share with us how eHarmony went for you, if you decide to try it out.

Also best wishes on your Master's Degree (which I also hope to someday pursue once I've garnered enough experience in the IT industry) and your run in local politics.

Indeed, school and clubs may be some of the better places to find people with similar interests. I'd also assume that if you meet someone who's also engaged in a Master's program, that he or she most likely would be ambitious as well.

Michael
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Eddy,

You crack me up! I do agree with you to some extent. The mind and the body are not always in sync with regards to matters of the heart. I will keep you posted on the EHarmony thing. I am hoping that I won't need their services though it does sound intriguing to me.

May your mind continue to rule your body in the most pleasant of ways.

Lexi
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Michael,

Thank you for your well wishes. You have a very well put together website as testimony to your IT expertise. I am certain that you will do well in a master's program. Best of luck to you, too!

I am still kind of on the fence about the EHarmony thing. I plan to take things one day at a time and simply hang out with friends for a while. Love lurks in the most unexpected of places and I am in no real rush.

I am ready to meet that special someone again though. We'll see...

And yes, I would be happy to share with you how things go for me on EHarmony should I choose that route later in the year.

Cheers!

Lexi
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
Life is good. Be inspired.


Joined: 04 Oct 2003
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Location: Fountain Valley, California (USA)

PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lexi, thank you for the compliments, although I feel that the site is extremely outdated and requires a complete overhaul in both content and design. I am, however, extremely happy with the small community we have on this forum. A bunch of good people frequent here (thank you.)

I agree with you that love lurks in places that you least expect. Often, I have found that love tends to come when you are NOT looking. Funny how life works at times.

Mike
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jama
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 9:48 am    Post subject: Love is a lurker Reply with quote

Yeah Mikey never knew love would be lurking naked in the shower with his boss. hahaha


But seriously, I think any relationship can work, long distance or not. Both people have to be commited to it though. Long distance relationships have their special challenges, but I think the most difficult part would be when you finally meet in person for a while. That's when someone's real faults and quirks will start to be more obvious and "real".

jama
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well-said.
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 2:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, Eddy, how have things been going for you?
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:11 am    Post subject: EHarmony Reply with quote

Hi Eddy and Mikey,

I remember that you both asked me to let you know how the dating service, EHarmony, worked out.

I tried it. I registered for their services for a month. It was really very interesting. They give you a type of survey to answer with all sorts of personal questions to answer. It was really kind of neat.

You wait for a couple of hours and then the database sends you profiles of all the eligible singles in your area that kind of match your survey responses. I had quite a number of eligible singles match my personality type.

I narrowed it down to one individual named Steve. He seemed really nice and is not that much older than me. He's in his early 30's and I am 27 years old. So far, so good. Steve said that he lived in Fullerton, CA and worked at Cal State Fullerton as a student lab assistant. He's working on his Ph.D.

Things went well with Steve and I for a couple of days. We exchanged emails and phone numbers. I gave him my phone number but he never contacted me. I recieved another couple of emails from him for the next couple of days telling me that he was really busy but that he would contact me soon. I haven't heard from him since.

I was not bummed out about it at all. I knew the guy for all of 2 weeks and we mainly engaged in light conversations trying to get to know each other. He did seem like a nice guy though and I wish him well.

I cancelled my membership to EHarmony. I decided that online dating is not really for me. I do recommend EHarmony to anyone who is seriously looking for a partner. They seem to have a very human and at the same time scientific method for matching up singles. I think my heart was simply not in it yet. Maybe later.

You see, I used to be engaged to a man that I had been dating for about 4 years. My fiance and I were a very good match and getting ready to be married soon. We loved each other to distraction. Unfortunately my fiance died suddenly about a year and a half ago. I am slowly trying to put my life back together without my partner. It's not easy but it is something that must be done and I am certainly ready to do it.

I do think that I will take things a little slower than jumping into a dating service such as EHarmony. I don't think I am really ready for that. Online dating is not really for me. That is not to say that EHarmony is not useful, it's just not for me.

I start the MBA program at Cal State Fullerton in January. I am sure that I will meet and network with all sorts of people my age when I return to school. Wish me luck!

Best regards,

Lexi
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Lexi,

Thank you for remembering to drop by here again to share with us your experience with eHarmony. I'm glad that it was able to give you another experience in dating although it didn't work out for you.

Steve... please excuse me for being blunt: but someone who's still working as a lab assistant at near-30 and studying for his PhD strikes me as someone who's afraid to take a chance in the real world and would rather stay in a protected environment: college. Did he seem like he had any ambitions beyond studying? Did he seem like the type of person who would be able to gather enough courage to actually meet someone? Did he flake out and was more comfortable with hiding behind the anonymity of the internet?

Forgive me if I sound judgmental. Steve just sort of reminds me of myself before I met my ex-girlfriend nearly 5 years ago. It was an unhealthy way of living until I discovered the joy and the love the world has to offer -- the outdoors, friends, a career, places to see, and the such. There is SO MUCH to experience -- enough for at least a lifetime.

I'm sorry to hear about your fiance. I can relate to how it must have felt when your love of 4 years no longer is with you. One thing I keep telling myself is to cherish what you had -- and be thankful for that experience -- and not what you don't have. If you don't mind me asking, what happened with him?

I wish you well with the MBA at CSUF. I have always wanted to start mine at CSUF, but the IT field alone requires a lot of continuous education, making it difficult to start an MBA program. Perhaps once my career has reached near-maturity...

Good luck with meeting people. It's when you least expect it when someone special suddenly enters your life and sweeps you off your feet.

Michael
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good morning Michael,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Steve. Thoughts such as yours had crossed my mind. I didn't rush into passing any sort of judgment though as the only thing I know about Steve is that he has a master's and was persuing his Ph.D at Chapman University while he worked at CSUF in the evenings. I believe that his degrees are in Chemistry or some other type of science.

You are correct. It is a little strange that he would expend funds for a service such as EHarmony and then not want to meet the woman he choose to approach, but who knows? I am not really sure what motivated his actions and I choose to believe that he knows what works best for him. The no face to face communication or even phone communication does not work for me and so I won't be responding to any further email messages from Steve, if in fact he ever does contact me again. Very strange fellow...

There are a number of reasons why he might have been doing the lab assistant teaching thing... he did say that his goal was to teach. I would have to say that someone with a master's in science should at least be teaching as an adjunct community college instructor or at a high school. The fact that he was a lab assistant with so much education under his belt did not bode well to me either. I am not one to judge though and I do realize that there could have been a number of reasons for this. At first glance it might strike a casual observer such as you and me that Steve is simply being lazy and has a severe lack of ambition.

Perhaps if I were willing to get to know him better I would be able to learn if he was a true louse or not. I have no desire to continue getting to know Steve via emails and so I suppose I will just have to trust that he was telling the truth.

I work full time and earn about $43,000 a year. It's an o.k. salary. It keeps me sheltered, clothed, and feed. I certainly wish that I earned more. Living in the OC area, that salary does not take me very far. I am hoping that with a master's in business administration I will be more promotable at my current job. Several of the upper management positions that start at about $65,000 a year require a master's degree in business, economics, political science, public administration, or other related field. I'll just have to see how things go. I can assure that I am not hiding in college. For myself, I simply see more education as a tool that will help me get to where I want. Besides, I still have aspirations of running for a local elected position in the near future. The first thing the other candidates always bring out to sling mud with is their oppononts experience and education. I don't want to be caught with only a B.A. I'll earn my master's and then give school a rest for a while.

I think I will persue a Ph.D. someday. I will persue it when I am older and more esatablished in my career. That way I can teach at a community college or a university part-time after I retire. Just something to keep me active in my older years.

You asked me how my fiance died. His death certificate reads "undetermined". He was a perfectly healthy caucasion man who went to the gym 5 days a week. He was in way better physical shape than I could ever hope to be. I love to eat! Other than occassionaly having a glass of cheap wine with me during dinner he never drank. We always bought the cheap wine because the inexpensive wines tend to conatin more sugar. If I am going to consume alcohol at all it must contain plenty of sugar because I don't really like the flavor of alcohol and the sugars masks the flavor for me. Sometimes he would experiment at home and make me a frothy, sugary, sweet, strawberry, margarita. Other than that neither one of us drank much. He abhorred smoking and he never used drugs.

I am told by the sheriff-coroner that it must have been a quick death. I comfort myself sometimes with this knowledge. He died quickly and quietly in the night. Though the coroner could not be 100% certain, which is why his death certificate reads undertermined, they believe he died of a brain aneurism. A brain aneurism occurs when a blood clot forms and or one's brain does not get enough oxygen. Aneurisms do not descriminate against anyone and can occur at any stage in a person's life.

You mentioned that you can relate. Did you lose a loved one, too? I am sorry to hear that if you did and I wish you peace.

You are right. There is so much to experience. Life is very short and I for one intend to enjoy it as much as possible. I am still pretty beat up over my loss. How do you get over losing the love of your life? The answer is you don't, but life does go on. I am looking forward to enjoying my life. I am actually going on a mini vacation soon and my thoughts are kind of centered around that right now.

Thank you again for your kind and insightful response.

Best regards,

Lexi
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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Lexi,

PhD in a science? I guess that as a scientist, it's okay not to work outside the educational system until the PhD is achieved. I am unfortunately not very familiar with that field although science has always intrigued me ever since a little kid.

You are right in stating that he should at least start at teaching at the high school level if he does want to become an instructor. It takes years to become a good one, particularly at the pace classes are taught in high school and in college. $43,000 per year for a single person is a pretty good salary. At the same time, even if you don't make much, what's most important is that you stay happy.

When I stated that I can slightly relate to how you must have felt when your fiancee and love of 4 years left, I have just lost a love of nearly 5 years recently (our anniversary is coming up on February 19.) Four months ago, I decided to leave my first (and only) girlfriend of 4 years in search of myself and what I really wanted in life. Although I tried to hide how much I always loved her deep inside, little did I know during the first 3 months that what I wanted WAS already with me and that I, in fact, played a big part in letting our relationship fall apart over the course of our last 2 years. Co-incidentally, two years ago also was the time when I started my IT teaching career working 80-120 hours/week practically every single week of the year. That indirectly (or directly) caused difficulties in the relationship and lifestyle -- in other words, I started to take things for granted over time after coming home dazed and burnt out day after day. I regret this soooo much!

Needless to say, the saying that "one will not realize what one has lost until it's gone" came very true. After the first 3 months of me leaving and then realizing that in fact she was the one I have been in love with for so long, she found that she needed to find herself too and decided to turn herself around. That was over a month ago.

After learning from my mistakes, making changes and improvements in life, I came to a realization: The improvements I have made are good not just for her -- but for ME. In other words, spending less time on the computer, going out to enjoy the outdoors more (which I have always enjoyed during my childhood), meeting new people, and having a more stable, less stressful job (but still be decently paid) are all good changes to look forward to. So, the biggest realization had yet to come: as long as SHE is happy (even without me being in her life) -- that's ALL that should matter. So, I haven't met her for the past 2 weeks although I have been tremendously missing her quite a bit. The chance of getting back together seems unreachable, but I often tell myself, "Just one chance. Just one chance." Then I tell myself, "Why? Let her be." Yes, true love is when you ignore your pain so that the person you love can be happy. Cheesy? I don't think so.

I'm sorry to read about how your fiancee passed away. It must have been very painful for you although the comfort of knowing that he died quickly and peacefully in his sleep is somewhat good to know. It's not easy to lose someone you love so much and particularly where you wish that you could spend just 1 more day -- just 1 last day -- with that person before saying the good-byes. But how do you get over losing the love of your life? Just be happy that he/she is happy in a better place now. Cherish what memories you have of him. Most importantly: don't focus too much on the things you disliked about the person, but cherish and be thankful for all the strengths that person brought into and shared with your life.

That's what I tell myself when thinking about my ex-girlfriend, no matter how painful it is at times. It sometimes hurt so much that I keep relating the pain to an addiction -- an addiction to love, for someone very special.

Lexi, be sure to enjoy your life. Have fun on your vacation smile San Francisco is one of the most soothing places to go to. In fact, I sincerely miss going there Confused

When do you plan on tackling on politics? You seem like a very educated person who will likely do well in whatever you do. Just keep going after your goals!

Michael
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww, Michael! I hate to hear about anyone being in pain. Forgive me for giving you my unsolicited opinion. Five years is a long time to be in a relationship. If you really love this girl and you think that she may love you, too, you should stick with it and try to work things out. Pick your battles. Nobody is perfect and there are no guarantees in life. Believe me after my experience in losing my fiance, no one knows this better than I do.

I won't say to much more on this topic because the last thing I want to do is sound as if I have any experience in this kind of thing. Because I don't. My experience with relationships with the opposite sex are limited to my fiance. He was my first date, my first kiss, my first boyfriend and eventually my first and only lover. So I don't have a great deal of advice to give on your particular situation. What I can say is that special people come along only once in a lifetime and if you are willing to be good to each other and respectful of each other everything else in the relationship just seems to fall into place.

My fiance and I were as different as night and day. You have no idea how different we were starting from our ethnicity down to our spending habits, we were just polar opposites. We did hold each other in high regard and adored each other immensly. Somehow we made things work. Most of the
time I didn't know what I would rather do strangle him or kiss from head to toe. I do hope that you will think things through clearly before deciding to call it quits compltly with your relationship with your girlfriend. You seem like a really pleasant and intelligent person who is capable of sorting through the messy parts of a realtionship. Best of luck to you!

You asked me when I was planning to run for office. I am not sure yet. Once I get back to school this January, I will give it more thought. I need to know how my schedule with work and school play out as I don't want to stress myself out too much. As it is my time is severly limited. I was recently promoted at work and I am having to put in loooooong hours while I learn the ropes. I am so tired lately. I need energy pills or something. I already told my boss though that come January, I must be out of the office by 5:15 P.M. as my classes will begin at 6:00 P.M. and I need time to get to Fullerton from Santa Ana. We'll see how that goes... wish me luck!

I do plan to run for city council within the next 3 years. There is a lot of work and planning that goes into making a bid for an elected position and I am just now starting to put things in place to ready myself for this. Thank you for asking. I eventually want to run for Orange County Board of Supervisors but that is further along the line in my career. I do love politics and helping others through governance.

I did go on a short vacation last week. I wish I had more time to have gone to San Francisco. I heard that it is very beautiful up there. I was in San Francisco once as a child but I have never visited as an adult. I hope to make it to SanFrancisco someday soon. I went for a few days to San Diego instead last week. I went to Sea World and the zoo. I headed for the beach and just kind of unwinded for a bit. I had a really good time. My next short vacation is scheduled for May. I am not sure where I will be going yet but I have 4 days off in a row from work that month and I plan to get away for a little while. San Francisco, San Diego, Santa Barbara, and Hearst Castle are all vacation options that I am considering. I'll have to see who will be able to go with me and where they want to go, too. What is there to do in San Francisco that is fun? Any suggestions on what to do and see in San Francisco? Please don't say nightclubs or bars! I am not the nightclub type. I have lways wanted to see Alcatraz... I'll have to do some research on this soon.

Anyway, I hope that you and your family have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Take care,

Lexi
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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I absolutely agree with you that 5 years is a long time. We both actually were planning to get married, but I never proposed because I didn't want to have our children suffer when both of us didn't have a career going yet. I do love her, but it appears that she's set to move on. That's okay.

I have come to realize that you should NOT love someone with the expectation of having that love reciprocated. That's the wrong reason to love someone. You should love someone because you DO, not because you want something in return. You also have to be careful about wanting something that you cannot have: it'll make you unhappy. So, why not focus on just being happy with what you've got?

That's how I have been feeling since Thanksgiving: love her because you do, not because you feel empty. I'll continue to be there for her, and if she doesn't need anything, that's okay. Knowing that I did something to make her happy is all the reciprocation that I need. That's genuine love.

You are right -- nobody is perfect. Since she was my first love, there were many mistakes that I made, and in turn hurt her tremendously (unintentionally most of the time.) I've learned from them, addressed them, and improved upon them. Initially, it was with the hope to woo her back. Come to think of it... No. The improvements should be made for ME. With pride I can now say that I am definitely a better person now than before.

Lexi, all advice is good, even if from someone who may never have experienced it before.

Opposites do attract smile Oftentimes, myself included, people think that they want someone who's SIMILAR to you. Do you really want to be with someone who's just like you? Or would you rather be with someone who is slightly different, keeps interesting you, understands you, brings out the best in you, just makes you feel good and just GENUINELY loves you even if you become disfigured?

I've already decided to no longer pursue my ex-girlfriend. Despite the pain she was put through and despite the improvements I have made, if she does not see the good in me now but continues to only see and foster on what went wrong in the PAST, then that's okay. Although she somewhat has the right to do so, I can no longer allow her to hurt me like she has been the past months.

I've come to realize that "I'm worth it." I know that I am a good person. I know I'm not stupid. I'm a person with good heart, hard-working, family-oriented, children-loving, now more honest than ever, cooks, cleans, enjoys life, is friendly with people, has morals, and so on. I know that I have become and will continue to become a very worthy friend, person, future husband and father. Sound selfish? Got to be. You cannot let other people put you down, not even by someone you love. I am proud of who I have become smile Life moves on. You should not need another person to complete you or make you happy. YOU should make YOURSELF happy before you can share that happiness with others smile

I sincerely do hope that she will someday find someone who makes her eternally happy and GENUINELY loves her, although a former friend of mine does worry me with what his true intentions may be. At least I know that I'm a good person and would not do what 2 of his closest friends and another co-worker, who has been with the company for over 20 years, said he would likely do. Long story. Don't ask smile My hands are tied. I truly wish my ex the best and sincerely hope that she won't be hurt. If she does get hurt, this former friend of mine will have to deal with me.

Okay, enough "me" talk. Starting to sound stuck-up now being evil

How did you meet your fiance? What did you two do, if you don't mind me asking?

Energy pills? No, no no, don't take those... Work out smile I've actually purchased a life-time membership to 24 Hour Fitness the other day and plan on taking full advantage of it. 10 lbs. That's the goal for the next 3 months smile Lean and toned. More energy, better sleep, better attention span, better way of life. Period.

San Francisco: I loved Muir Woods, the Golden Gate Park and its Japanese Tea Garden, that famous, windy road (forgot what it's called), Fisherman's Wharf, Sausalito, even Chinatown was an interesting experience.

Which reminds me: the Exploratorium is GREAT. Bring your student ID with you for a discount.

If you plan on going to Alcatraz, try to book a month ahead. We've learned the hard way: there were no tickets available.

San Francisco also tends to get quite cold. So, late spring and summer would be the best times to go.

Santa Barbara was beautiful... despite the rainy days when we went.

Nightclubs? I'm not that type either although I do would like to experience one someday.

Take the bay tour at Fisherman's Wharf. The boat will cruise you around Alcatraz, under the Golden Gate Bridge, and back to the Wharf. Last time I went, there were sealions. Pretty neat.

Have fun on your vacation (if you haven't already gone)!

Michael
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Michael,

I have to say, I love our online conversations. We seem to have a great deal in common. What can I say? Great minds think alike. big grin

I am so glad to hear that you have armed yourself with such a high level of confidence. I think it is very important for people to recognize their own self-worth. My parents have always told me that if I believed in myself and held myself in high regard the whole world would follow suit. I don’t tend to agree with my parents on many things, (my parents are super old-fashioned!) but their views on this particular subject have always rang with truth for me.

It sounds to me as if you had your fair share of ups and downs with your ex-girlfriend. That’s o.k., it sounds pretty normal. First loves do have a habit of lurching people into a myriad of emotions. It was kind of fun, wasn’t it? The discovering and learning about yourself with your girlfriend. I can describe the whole first love thing as nothing less than an amazing experience. I know that even though things were not always 100% rosy between me and my fianc?, I enjoyed every minute of my first love. My fianc? and I were the type of couple who were so in deeply in love with each other that we actually made some of our friends sick.

The important thing is that you made it through your first love intact. It even sounds as if you have done a great deal of growing up and have participated in quite a bit of self-reflection. I think that is great and I absolutely agree with you, we should not love someone with the expectation of having that love reciprocated. Your statements with regards to this have lead me to speculate if at some point in your relationship you felt that you were not truly loved. Is that true? Perhaps splitting up with your girlfriend was a good move for you. I only say this because it sounds to me as if things had begun to deteriorate between you and your girlfriend. Though I know it must be of little comfort to you right now, perhaps you guys needed the time apart. I mean, along with the break up you have discovered some amazing things about yourself. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart. I would not be surprised if you met a really nice woman with which to share special moments again with in the near future. It’s going to be great. Your next girlfriend is going to be a very lucky woman. Best of luck to you!!!

You asked me how I met my fianc? and what did the two of us do.

My fianc? and I met in college. I met him in his final semester in college. He was a senior and I was a sophomore. At first, I did all the chasing in the relationship. We took a writing class together. He and I used to be early birds. I would always arrive early to class and sit and read my text waiting for class to begin. He would usually arrive a few minutes early, too. One day he came in early to class and he was bleeding. He had fallen off his bike and the entire side of his arm was chaffed, bleeding and bruised looking. I decided that he needed band-aids. The next day class met, I had him sit down while I dressed his wounds with band-aids. We kind of just hit it off from there. He was always a little quiet and gruff. I was always the friendly and outgoing one. He was not the least bit interested in me. The week before the final, I decided at the last minute, to go on vacation to New York with a friend. My friend was only going for a few days and I decided to go with her. I asked him to email me the class lectures and any midterm review while I was out of town. I remember him being a little annoyed about my request. He could not resist putting his two cents in about what he thought of students who ditched class to go on vacation a few days before the final, but he did as I asked and typed and emailed me the notes for an entire week while I was on vacation.

From then on, our relationship blossomed into a deep and enduring love. Does that sound kind of sappy? I know it does but it’s true. We had a “I can’t live without you “ kind of love. Tim was a really shy guy. He got in the habit of walking me to my next class after our class together. He never made any advances towards me, never tried to rush me, he was very uninterested it seemed. That semester we did get to know each other well and became best of friends.

Tim and I were best friends for almost a year before things progressed to a courtship. I think that is the hardest part about losing him, we were best friends before we ever became lovers. The pain of losing him is felt on many different relationship levels. It's painful stuff. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. The whole ordeal has matured me as only extreme amounts of pain and suffering can do.

The only good part about this is that, like you, I have had time to pause and reflect. I feel that I have grown up quite a bit in the last year and a half since his death. I look at the world with different eyes. I was badly shaken up by this experience. Never have I been so down in all my life as I have been over this situation. I closed down everything and shut out everyone in my life. I kind of wallowed in my own misery for over a year. I didn’t know what else to do; the pain was too much for me. The pain was robbing me of hunger, sleep, heck even my sanity.

This is not a state that I could live in forever. It’s just not me. I am now doing something which a year and a half ago I felt that I would never be able to do again; I am enjoying life without the love of my life.

Something has come over me lately. Perhaps it is my new job that is putting me in a good mood. Change usually makes me feel happy and revitalized. My new job is certainly a pleasant change. I am feeling a kind of peace that was not there for me before. From your post, I get the impression that you are also hitting a similar plateau. You just kind of get to a point where you say, “Hey, I’m a good person and I deserve to be happy.”

I am ready to move on and enjoy my life again. I sometimes feel like a newborn baby who is learning how to walk again. Like a newborn, I am still a little shaky on my feet. I’ll probably fall on my rump a couple of times before I can stand on my own two feet comfortably, but this is a fun and exciting time for me. I love life. I really do. I always have been a cheerful person. My fiance would not have wanted me to be down forever. He knew that being down was not my nature. He would have wanted to see me smile again. I am sure of it. It’s a calm and serene feeling to accept what happened and be able to put things into perspective. I feel as if through the pain and suffering, I have come into my own and matured. I know, I know, I am beginning to sound as if I have had some kind of therapy overload... I am looking forward to living a normal life again.

First love, I tell you Michael, it can be the greatest thing in the world but it can also wring out your very soul… Would you trade your experience for the world? I wouldn’t.

I can’t wait until I meet and fall in love with someone else again. Can I be honest with you? I love having a boyfriend. I am not the clingy sort of person. I encourage couples maintaining personal space. I think couples should enjoy “alone” time every once in a while. I also think it’s really nice to have someone in your life that you can confide in and count on no matter what. Having a significant other is a healthy choice and I think that when I start school again in late January I will consider actively pursuing a partner again. No more online drama foe me though. If I meet someone at chool or work fine. I just want to take my time and let things happen naturally.

Right now work is taking up a great deal of my time. I am the new kid on the block. I have worked for the county for several years but I was recently promoted. I am an analyst in the Finance and Public Policy Department. My fianc? was a computer programmer. He worked for a small computer company in the private sector. I am not sure if this is what you referred to when you asked what we did…

I have to agree, enough “me” talk. I want to hear about you. How did you meet your girlfriend? Tell me about your first or most memorable date? Do you think you were truly in love with your ex? Is that being too nosy? You don’t have to answer if it brings up painful memories for you. I will understand.

I was kidding about the energy pills; I would no sooner take an energy pill than the man on the moon would. I am so not into that. I do need to exercise though and get in shape. My boss and I have decided to start an exercise regime come Saturday morning. Wish me luck! I will come back in here in a few weeks and let you know how my exercise plan is going. I am not a health food or exercise freak but I do believe in doing one’s best to stay healthy.

Thank you so much for your tips on places to see in San Francisco. I have heard about that famous windy road and I have always wanted to see it. I am glad that you recommend it. The Exploratorium sounds like something I would want to visit, too. I LOVE going to places like that. I’ll do some more research online on this one.

Thanks, again! I hope that you have a great week!

Lexi
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2004 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lexi,

My mind is far from great. In fact, I think the other day brain cells started to die and... wait. What was I talking about?

The statements I have made hopefully don't indicate that I was at some point not loved by my ex. In fact, we had always loved each other (even to this day.) It's just not the same type of love any more that used to exist between us. It's more like... the passion and love she had for me were transferred over to me instead, where now the imbalance lies in me. Did that make sense? In other words, I never knew what love really was until I lost it.

Things deteriorated between us from nearly the beginning. We never had an official date and never went through the customary flirting phase. We just became boyfriend/girlfriend overnight -- literally. We didn't know how to handle conflicts correctly either, and both of us placed too much focus on the wrong things in our relationship. In a way, yes, I agree with you: the split-up definitely is a good thing for both of us, but what happens from here remains a mystery.

For a minute I almost thought that the story between you and your fiancee was ours' (it's similar!) laughing Yours' sounds almost more romantic as you two did slowly develop the relationship from friendship to lovers over time. As stated, mine practically shifted from friends-only to lovers overnight without notice. It's hard to explain, but that bugged me for many years as I never knew why she changed her mind all of a sudden. Only 4 years later did she realize why that happened. But by then, our relationship had already deteriorated to nearly the breaking point.

Again, I'm glad that the split-up happened. We both learned a lot of things and moving forward, I know that our future relationships (with whomever it may be) will be better. At this point, I'm still hoping for it to be with her, but I am slowly moving away from it as I do not wish to be her second choice or be with someone who no longer loves me for who I am and for who I have become.

Like you before, I too shut myself down from everyone else for quite some time (I still do), especially from my parents. I just don't want to deal with them at this moment because they absolutely love my ex.

It's definitely a good thing that you've starting to enjoy life again. I'm sure that your fiance would have wanted you to be happy too.

Who doesn't love to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Love feels good. Heck, even I feel very lonely almost every day. But to me, what's most important is that it's okay for ME to be in pain -- I do not wish to hurt other people in the process. For that very reason, I actively refuse to meet other women at this moment out of respect and courtesy for THEIR feelings. I miss cuddling up with someone too, but again, not at the expense of potentially hurting that person.

Encouraging couples to maintain their personal space thing... Still working on that smile For me, I missed my ex-girlfriend practically every day. Just that whenever she came over, my computer took over my life. The deterioration in our relationship had a vicious cycle: our early, un-resolved problems created more problems -- to the point where I gave up (to her credit, she tried very, very hard.) I shouldn't have given up. I was stupid then. Didn't know any better.

School definitely could be one of your best places to meet someone else, particularly since you're not a clubbing-type of person smile You should stay away from work relationships though. I know someone who's dated quite a few co-workers and all of them failed.

How did I meet my ex-girlfriend? I'll tell you more about it another time. Was I ever truly in love with my ex-girlfriend? I felt a big sense of caring and love, but never really knew what the true definition of love was since it was my FIRST relationship. All I was able to refer to were what love was portrayed as in movies and by society/ our culture. When I left her, I only realized what love really was 3 months later, 3 days after she decided to leave me (I didn't know about her decision until later.) Now I think I know what true love is, except: I shouldn't expect or desire it to be returned.

No, I'm a pretty open person (if you haven't been able to tell yet.) I don't mind sharing my thoughts and ideas with people.

Exercise and eating right definitely are good for you! Keep at it!

Looking forward to go snowboarding this Sunday smile

Ciao!

Michael
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Michael:

Ha! Your not wanting to deal with your parents right now made me laugh. I know what you mean though; I avoid my mother like the plague when it comes to talking about this stuff… I just can’t deal with any of them right now. Moms are great but they sure do know which buttons to press at times.

You have no idea how much I miss the cuddling, too. It’s not about sex. Really it’s not. It’s the closeness that I miss. I am really affectionate and I think Tim, if I had let him, would have cheerfully velcroed himself to my side so that we would always be touching. He was adorable! When the cuddling stopped, I felt so lost and alone. Cuddling is the absolute best!

I must confess, I am a hopeless romantic. I think you and your ex still have potential and I am keeping my fingers crossed for you guys. I hope that you and your ex somehow clear the air and resume a happy, healthy relationship. I know that there are a great many issues that are going to need to be resolved but I hope that everything turns out well for you.

Anyway, enough about heartbreak. I totally know what you mean about the work relationships thing though. I tend to prefer to mind my own business at work. Despite my recent candid comments to you, I do prefer to keep my personal life personal. I would also just as soon not hear about my coworkers sordid affairs. I don’t understand all the partner swapping that I see and hear about lately at my workplace. The stories I could tell you… Not sure why I did not notice it before but we have soap operas unfolding virtually every day at my workplace. I try to stay out of it. I agree with you that school might be my best bet for finding my next boyfriend. School or some other kind of social event will most likely where I find my next boyfriend. I’ve decided to not make much of an effort to do anything with regards to this and just kind of let nature take its course.

Snowboarding, hmm? Sounds fun! I hope that you have a great time.

I will be volunteering with a friend on Sunday. I am looking forward to it. It should be fun.

Ciao!

Lexi
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've just noticed... We've been writing essays! Anybody else care to join in the conversation? smile

Michael
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We've probably bored them to tears...

Lexi
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shall tissues be distributed then? Mr. Green

I promise that I'll write more about how my ex and I met and what my most memorable moment was/were. Will be going snowboarding in a few hours -- so, to be continued... Rolling Eyes
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I look forward to hearing about it.

I'm heading out of here in a few minutes, too.

Have a great time today!

Lexi


Mikey_ wrote:
Shall tissues be distributed then? Mr. Green

I promise that I'll write more about how my ex and I met and what my most memorable moment was/were. Will be going snowboarding in a few hours -- so, to be continued... Rolling Eyes
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