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Long Distance relationships
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Eddy
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:19 pm    Post subject: Long Distance relationships Reply with quote

Hi,

Just wondering how many of you guys have survived a long distance relationship before? Obviously i am current in one right now, my gf's in HK and i'm in NY, kinda far apart.....hehe

she's only there for the summer, she'll be back this fall for school, but i'll be in China from sept to chrismas. even when we are both in NY, we are about 2 hours apart. anyways......enough about me

so....what u guys think of Long Distance relationships ?
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Mikey_
Life is good. Be inspired.
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Joined: 04 Oct 2003
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Location: Fountain Valley, California (USA)

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2004 3:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eddy,

2 hours isn't too bad, but may be a bit far at times.

Long Distance relationships... I have mixed feelings about that.

My first girlfriend was on the Internet. I was a very shy person who could never look a pretty girl into her eyes even when some have told me that I had nice, shiny eyes. Having that relationship online was a big eye-opener. It allowed me to interact with someone I never had the opportunity to interact with before. However, despite the good parts about an internet relationship, it does have its quirks: different time zones. The relationship could also just be a fantasy.

The long distance internet relationship helped boost my confidence and that gave me the small steps needed to interact with pretty, real-life females such as mb_rockstar sly wink

In the end, I have much to thank that relationship for. I have become by far more confident, more real, and more true to myself (not afraid of who I am.) In fact, I'm not afraid to be just plain silly either. Despite all that though, I still have difficulty looking pretty women in their eyes. Get to know each other though, and there's no more barrier smile

So, for me, the internet relationship was a big positive. Its negative was that it caused countless hours of no sleep, headaches, occasional fights, and the illusion of a fantasy. I have learned that you cannot really "fall in love" over the internet. Nothing beats taking romantic walks on the beach (don't call me gay now, will ya? smile), cuddling with each other, taking off your jacket to keep her warm even when you are REALLY freezing your butt off (funny what people are capable of doing) and pretending that you aren't really cold so that she wouldn't feel guilty, and just plain see the many facial expressions she may have every day. Those things you just can't get over the internet.

On the other hand, I know a few people who HAVE had very, very successful relationships after meeting each other online. If you guys remember, Johnny (Sammilover), Alex (Flyx), Rose (Wasabi), Qman, Susaan (Violetvv), and so many others have met each other through here and ultimately got married or are in serious relationships now. Even Jama has finally found his significant other: the right hand (I don't know what Ms. Left Hand has to say about that though...)

So, long distance relationships can and can also NOT work. It's how you handle it.

I don't know if you know Noland (DaBadGuy) and his girlfriend (DaBadGirl) -- they both were in long-distance relationships for a very, very, very long time. They are still together and I can't wait to meet them again to kick Noland's sorry butt -- just because he's DaBadGuy laughing

The only advice I can really give to anyone in a relationship is this: communication. If you have difficulty communicating with each other, then the relationship will be just as difficult.

Hey Eddy, while you two are far apart... just send her reminder notes regularly telling her how much you miss her, are thinking of her, and so on. She may appreciate that. I used to leave a note with a joke on my girlfriend's car windshield every day while we were in college to show her how much I care about her. And believe me... it wasn't easy at ALL finding her car every day, especially if you don't have a car to drive around the dozens of parking lots smile It was good exercise though.

Or, when she has a birthday, leave her a Happy Birthday note all over the house where you think she might be going to so that she would find the surprise note at even the most unexpected places. I left a note where the spoons were at, the closet, the refridgerator, even the toilet seat (that was the best part!) ... It made it fun for her and it made it fun for me to see her enjoy it. Too bad I couldn't see her face when she had to go to the bathroom and find a note on the seat.

Little things like that can keep a relationship strong. It's not the big things you do on the few days (eg. birthday, new year, christmas, etc), but the many, many thoughtful small little things you do throughout the year.

Michael
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Eddy
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 2:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow... mike, thanks for this extensive reply, i really appreciate it. =)

I'm not as creative or romantic as you Embarassed Sounds like you can *teach* alot more than IT laughing hehe...
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Mikey_
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Joined: 04 Oct 2003
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2004 10:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I haven't done anything romantic for a very, very long time. But again, those little things you do throughout the year add up to more than the once-in-a-while special occasion thing.
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2004 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

aww...you're too sweet mike. and wow!! i never saw this side of you....

from a girls point of view, i agree, the littlest things do count and do add up.

...that's it...

haha mike already dot all the "i's" and crossed all the "t's" with this subject.

good job mike. wink

[EDIT] communication is a HUGE thing. i believe for a relationship to prosper you need 3 things for the foundation.

- common interest
- communication
- trust

if you're missing even one of those things, the result will become inevitable.

Mikey_ wrote:


The long distance internet relationship helped boost my confidence and that gave me the small steps needed to interact with pretty, real-life females such as mb_rockstar sly wink


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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 26, 2004 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mb_rockstar wrote:
aww...you're too sweet mike. and wow!! i never saw this side of you....


How could I? We both are dating, silly! smile Besides, how can you be nice with Romeo making your day miserable at work? smile

Michael
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 26, 2004 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

haha silly Stick out tongue you know, i only know 3 people who are romantic and i didn't have to date them to know how they are.

and yes....sigh* you're making me think of those good ole times when i use to work with you guys. (i'm being sarcastic by the way) i mean it was nice working with you but...MY GOODNESS, romeo is weird.

i remember when he made me get down on my knees and clean the little kitchen room and vaccum the floors. i'm like..ok, i'm getting paid to be a maid. oh and remember when we all went out to eat one time and he started talking about...porn... Stick out tongue that made me feel uncomfortable, but i just stayed quiet.

Mikey_ wrote:
mb_rockstar wrote:
aww...you're too sweet mike. and wow!! i never saw this side of you....


How could I? We both are dating, silly! smile Besides, how can you be nice with Romeo making your day miserable at work? smile

Michael

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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha! That's nothing smile How about SHOWERING NAKED with your boss? Yup, after we went playing racquet ball, he took a shower and asked me to join. Umm... no. I was raised in Europe where it's okay to shower with other men naked, but not with him smile

I felt bad when he asked you to go clean. I wanted to help you out but he indicated to me that I shouldn't.

Eh, come to think of it... wanna join us at the Corona Del Mar potluck beach party on July 10? You and a guest are invited...

Mike
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Contrai
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Joined: 08 Oct 2003
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Location: greifswald, germany

PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:49 am    Post subject: Re: Long Distance relationships Reply with quote

Eddy wrote:
Hi,

Just wondering how many of you guys have survived a long distance relationship before? Obviously i am current in one right now, my gf's in HK and i'm in NY, kinda far apart.....hehe

she's only there for the summer, she'll be back this fall for school, but i'll be in China from sept to chrismas. even when we are both in NY, we are about 2 hours apart. anyways......enough about me

so....what u guys think of Long Distance relationships ?


hmm....i make it short, it's a topic i thought over and spoke about 2 much the last yrs....

i'd a g-f in philadelphia, and i'm from germany, so....it was kinda far away also sly wink ...we only could met us once a yr, or at most twice, coz the money and the time....but it lasted sth over 3 yrs....
she seperated 2 yrs ago, and while i was very sad and hurt and didn't get any reason there for a long time, i think now, she did it right.
it's better for both.
it simply can't survive for a long time, thats my point now, because there is so much missing.
for example this walking at a beach, like mikey mentioned....the other person is never there, when you need her and the other way round....

i know, never say never again, but i wouldn't start a long distance relationship again. i've found now a girl, who is also not in my town, but 500km away, coz of the different study, and while she wants a relationship and is dreamy about a future, i'm not....i like her much, but.....

ah, anyway, i wish all who are in any kind of relationship good luck, but i'm 2 cynic and embittered with that, so....
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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear, contrai. But as said, long distance relationships CAN work. A very good example are Flyx and Wasabi who are now married and living in South Africa.
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Contrai
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mikey_ wrote:
Sorry to hear, contrai. But as said, long distance relationships CAN work. A very good example are Flyx and Wasabi who are now married and living in South Africa.


hmm, yes, my best friend and her guy [ she was in germany also, he in canada ] are married happily also since...4 yrs or so....but she moved to him after half a yr, thats different...

i don't say, it can't work....but i think it's veryvery hard....and after some time u have to live at least near enough for day visiting


ps: actual i haven't any clue of relationships, i'm not the guy for that sly wink
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OMG yea! i remember you telling me that once. hahaha!! and you did join him huh?! because you were trying to be nice... sigh* man, i can't stop laughing....

yea, he is the type of person that wants woman to clean and stuff....blah!

ahh, corona del mar...it's been awhile since i've last been there. thank you for the invite smile i need to find out if i'm working swing shift or late shift that day or if i'm off. i usually work swing shift on saturday, which is btw 10am-6pm. so, we'll see. how long are you planning to stay there? smile

Mikey_ wrote:
Ha! That's nothing smile How about SHOWERING NAKED with your boss? Yup, after we went playing racquet ball, he took a shower and asked me to join. Umm... no. I was raised in Europe where it's okay to shower with other men naked, but not with him smile

I felt bad when he asked you to go clean. I wanted to help you out but he indicated to me that I shouldn't.

Eh, come to think of it... wanna join us at the Corona Del Mar potluck beach party on July 10? You and a guest are invited...

Mike

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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2004 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Till the sun moon shines brightly in the sky smile
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok this isn't about long distant relationships, but my question is about relationships...so instead of making a new thread i thought i'd add it in here. smile

----------------------------------------------------

ok so let's just say you've been with someone for such a long time and
of course you guys have fights here and there (mostly huge fights).
but after so many years, you see that the fights have escalated and there
are verbal bashing now from both people. let's say your significant other says, for instance, "if we broke up i wouldn't care, i'd be fine without you." and those words were said more than once on different occasions.

what would you do?

you see yourself making the effort to keep the relationship going, but then you hear this...
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Eddy
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think if i ever find myself saying those words and knowing that i meant it from my heart.

I would get away from this relationship.

I guess the main thing is to find out if the person means the stuffs they say.
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 2:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow you're quick, i just posted this like a few minutes ago.
--------------------------

yea, i truly feel they meant it at the time. i've confirmed it as well.
even if you take the longer term into factor? you would get away?
let's say you been with this person for 11yrs? would it make a
difference?

Eddy wrote:
I think if i ever find myself saying those words and knowing that i meant it from my heart.

I would get away from this relationship.

I guess the main thing is to find out if the person means the stuffs they say.

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Mikey_
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 6:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stay in the relationship if both of you are still very willing to work things out.

Leave the relationship if both (or even one of you) has given up on the relationship after years of trying...

Mike
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mb_rockstar
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's tough...

thanks for your opinion guys. smile

Mikey_ wrote:
Stay in the relationship if both of you are still very willing to work things out.

Leave the relationship if both (or even one of you) has given up on the relationship after years of trying...

Mike

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Lexi
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Eddy,

This is just my opinion but I think that long distance relationships are kind of silly. I don't think I would do well in a long distance relationship. I love being around other people especially those that I love and so the long distance thing would never work for me.

I must say that I don't really know that much about dating or long distance relationships. I enjoy being in a comitted relationship. I used to be engaged to a truly magnificient man for almost four years.

I am quite a busy gal most of the time. I work full time and soon I will begin a master's program in the evenings. I am also testing the waters in local politics as I would like to run for city council shortly after I recieve my master's degree. I'm fairly sure that I will meet someone to date when I return to school.

School is a great place to meet people who share your common interests. I met my fiance there. Perhaps you should join a campus club and try to socialize with people in your general vicinity.

I have decided that if I have not met someone on my own by next year I am going to join a dating service called EHarmony. Have you heard of it? I had a professor highly recommend it to me. I've been unattached for a year now and I think I am ready to go out there and find someone to enjoy life with again. I believe that EHarmony works on a long distance relationship premise at first. So I will know a bit more about how a long distance relationship works then. I don't come to this website often but if I do join Eharmony, I will be happy to let you know how the long distance thing is working sometime in December.

Who knows? There are always those extroidinary couples who beat the odds and make things work from a distance. Perhaps you will be one of them. Best of luck to you!

Lexi
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Eddy
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi lexi,


I'm not in favor of long distance relationships, but sometimes your mind just takes over your body for some reason.


I never heard of eharmony, tell me if it works =)


thanks
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