Okay, time to reply back. Hope you ALL had a GREAT weekend
Lexi, in regards to your e-mail: it's okay to rebel here and there with your family. So did I. I think it's part of puberty and it also allows you to become more of an adult. It's not easy for parents to let go of their children, but as we all grow older, I'd say that asking for a little independence from your parents is good. For my family, it has gained a better mutual respect although the road to this respect was difficult.
Besides, although your parents were upset at you during your community college years, you are making up for it now by going after your Master's. They can only be proud of you now, right? So, how did your first quiz of the semester go? Makes me want to go back to school again... But first things first.
My female friend and a female aquaintance (I am much more picky now of whom I call "friends" -- or "best friends", for that matter) had a nice time at my place. I was the only one cooking as the two were either tired, sick, or both. They liked it and I'm a bit more confident in my cooking umm... "skills"... now (still a long way to go) that I'm actually no longer afraid of making up dishes from scratch without the use of any recipes. In fact, the salad was not too shabby.
As we spent time talking, listening to music, and a bunch of other things, I came to the realization ever more that I'm actually not a bad guy after all. I'm actually a better person now than ever before! Wiser, more mature, more caring and loving again, and with likes and dislikes I forgot I had. Isn't it wonderful how staying away from the computer and spending time doing the things you've always wanted to do or learn can so greatly make you a better person?
I drove the aquaintance home around midnight and the other friend stayed at my place until 6am listening to music and talking. It was really nice to have long, cozy talks again after such a long time of never-ending rain inside my head. She, too, became really tired (but refreshed at the same time), and I drove her to her dorm as well in case she'd fall asleep on the wheel.
I never thought I could hold such long conversations again, but apparently the changes I have made in my life has opened up my mind and eyes to things I never knew you could talk about. It makes me excited to learn even more about life again and I've even told mom that although she wants me to have a career and become successful, that I cannot do so at the expense of living like I did the past 15 years or so. She understood and supports it.
I have changed quite a lot for the better (and thankfully, MANY people agree.) It's incredible how MUCH was accomplished, changed, and remembered in such a short period of 3 months! Even the romantic side is coming back again (Mb: you were right in a previous post: it wasn't gone after all. It was just dormant.)
Now, to your long, private message, Lexi: As I said, it's best not to write long messages via Private Messaging as this forum has its technical limitations. So, I'll reply here like I wrote in my reply back.
It's good to hear from you again. Mb and I were wondering what you were up to since Tim's birthday.
That's kind of funny that you can no longer watch tear-jerking movies any more. I feel that those type of movies have actually HELPED me remember the sincereity, romance, laughter, appreciation, and the like in me. In fact, the horror movie genre (in regards to the movie you mentioned) has also helped me remember to not take life so seriously any more. Why focus so much on your career that you forget about life? Take things slowly and one step at a time. Enjoy what's around you and appreciate what has come your way.
I agree that you should be respected for still hanging on and cherishing your memories with Tim even after you have started a new relationship. However, I feel that you should definitely let him go at some point in time or it'll only make your new love feel 2nd choice (ESPECIALLY if you keep comparing him to Tim.) And who likes to be 2nd choice? I don't. More power to you for deciding to not tell your new love (when you find him) too much about Tim -- unless you're asked about him.
Although I never pushed Kim to talk to me about her past/ex-boyfriend (it would have helped both of us get to know each other better and start conversations), sometimes I wished that she did. It often made me feel distant not sharing the memories that were so hurtful to her. I felt like an inadequate boyfriend whom she didn't trust her emotions with. I still don't know much about her past and childhood. She was quite a private person, and I was too focused on a career and computers that the combination left us stranded.
I also agree with you that it's a wonderful feeling to fall in love again -- who wouldn't want to feel that way? I certainly do. But I'm taking it slowly and carefully. I definitely don't want a rebound to either hurt the other person and/or blind me from seeing the bad things about the other person.
So, how are my plants doing? The Chinadoll has been growing lots of baby leaves! Yay! One of the branches at least... hehehe... Looks kind of dumb, but we'll see what happens. Give it another 6 months. I've got a new plant from mom -- doesn't look as nice as the palm tree I had, but we'll see if I can take better care of that one. I do plan on getting a palm tree again once I get the hang of it.
Fishes... Good news! I've added a new White Fiddler Crab to the tank and also gave it a name. Pictures are below, taken with my new camera (I still haven't flipped open the manual past page 3!) What I like about the new camera is that it allows you to precisely choose where to focus on AND I can (finally) adjust the shutter speed that allows me to freeze the bubbles in time (digital cameras are known for blurry pictures when the subject moves. Yay again!)
The Tank ("Aquarium 3", based on "Aquarium 1")
Bully (Red Cap Oanda/ Fancy Goldfish)
DaVinci (White Fiddler Crab)
Named after Leonardo DaVinci: one day when a Korean friend of mine and her boyfriend were over, we watched the crab climb to the tallest plant and then suddenly get swooped off by the filter's stream of water. As it was falling to the ground, it was flapping its legs wildly as if it was trying to fly. So, it earned its name for attempting to "fly."
DaVinci is a VERY young crab. I hope that it starting as a baby will raise a tame adult and not start pinching the fishes
You can see DaVinci's home between the rocks in the above picture. It shoveled out all the gravel in-between the two, large rocks... Poor thing has to do that every time I clean the tank
Ghost Shrimp
Grace (Common Goldfish)
Named for its gracefulness.
Grace and Spunky (Common Goldfishes)
Spunky was named for being... spunky. It wouldn't stop swimming quickly and eating. Taking pictures of it was extremely difficult! Grace and Spunky seem to have developed a liking for each other. They like to playfully swim against the filter's stream with each other
Spunky, Bully, and Grace
DaVinci and a Ghost Shrimp
Spunky
In the first picture, it looks sad. In the second picture, it looks as if it's posing for a photo shoot. It was pure luck being able to take pictures of him in the first place
White Clouds
Like the Ghost Shrimps, I have no name for them as I cannot distinguish them apart.
My new toy for the aquarium has arrived, but I'll need to buy some rechargable batteries. It'll be a BLAST to play with it!
I tried picking out a favorite pet from the tank, but you know... I love them all equally. They all got their own likes and dislikes. Even the Ghost Shrimps crack me up because come feeding time, the bigger ones swim ALL the way to the surface of the water, go upside down and grab the food in mid-air. What a sight! The tank's still as clear as ever and I'm pretty happy with my design choice after seeing how other real-life aquariums have been decorated
Speaking of decorations -- I don't plan on decorating my apartment any more. It's good the way it is (although a paint job would be nice), and I'll save up the other ideas when I get my own house. It'll be fun!
My relatives had a Chinese New Year's party in Temecula yesterday (Sunday.) I wore a martial arts costume and said "Gung Hay Fat Choi" to my grandparents prior to receiving red envelopes full of money. They could not stop bursting in laughter and I gave grandma a deep, big bear hug. I saw in everyone's eyes that they all missed Kim, but they all also knew not to bring up her name, except one of my aunties and uncles. They had no idea that Kim and I separated and apologized for having asked about her. I wasn't offended at all and told them that Kim's doing quite well. I wish her well.
The kids, like usual, jumped all over me like a swarm of killer bees. One of the girls particularly kept vying for my attention and asked me to throw her into the air even though she kept telling me she was scared as heck. Strange. Towards the end of the evening, she said that she saw my brother, David, and me in a video singing at one of my cousin's weddings, and that she watched it a lot. Hahaha... little girl crush? She likes to pose for the camera and I told her dad to contact advertising agencies to have her model or do commercials. She's really cute!
I also went to see my older cousin's new house. Boy, it was only 3,000 or so square feet, but it looked EXTREMELY spacious with plenty of rooms! It was nicely decorated and the architecture was just dreamy! We talked a lot about the house, decorations, design, her husband's dogs, relationships, and other things. We had a lot of catch-up to do after years of not really contacting one another. We talked about her kids too. It made me miss starting a family. I really wanted to start one but was just too focused on getting a career going (so that our kids wouldn't suffer.) Well, that plan obviously didn't work too well, but it did help me realize that there's more to life than just the traditional Chinese focus on a successful career over family and living life. This realization didn't fit too well with my mom, but she didn't give me much of a hard time over it either. I told her that I need to catch up on what I have missed on life or I won't ever be as happy as I'd like to be. In fact, while I'm still single and somewhat unemployed (I'm currently IT contracting for Neliance at quite a large pay while searching for the right company to have a long-term career with), I plan on continuing to use all that free time to further solidify and improve on things. I so am ready to settle down, but no way: I'm not going to rush anything.
I'll take things slowly, and I definitely know what I want in a woman. Know what's awesome? It's good finding that my romantic side has started to return. Laughter and my better sense of humor still are AWOL though
Charm? Nah, don't think I ever had one, but I make up for it by being a sincere person who has learnt a lot from his past mistakes.
You think I've gotten an "enviably healthy attitude about the whole [break-up]"? Perhaps. Couldn't have done it without the support of true friends who want nothing more than the best for you. People like that are hard to find and I consider myself one of them. What also helps is knowing that Kim's been very happy although I feel that what happened to her prior to meeting me will happen again. There's nothing I can do about it other than hoping for her best.
Lexi, seems like you misread what I wrote in my post. I do NOT "hate" Kim. Rather, I feel disappointment and resentment towards the way she had been treating me. Never have I been consistently put down for so long by someone I care so much about in my life, although I do know that it's unintentional. Friendship with her is not possible at this moment as one without trust, sincerity, consideration, and honesty is like none at all. You are right, it is not my personality to hate anyone, not even that former friend of mine although he can go @#$$# himself for all I care. There are two types of "friends" that I dislike: fake, backstabbing people and those who only call when they need something. He fits the former and people like these do not deserve to receive my friendship.
I promised Kim that I'd wait until February 19, 2005 (our 5th year anniversary) before I choose to move on. What friends know about me is that I generally do my best to not break any promises, and this is one of them because I sincerely believe that if she were willing to, things would work out between the two of us. February 19 is absolute, however. That day will either be the close of the chapter in my life or the beginning of a renewed relationship. It's her choice. I will not, however, be a second choice if she has already gone out with someone. It will be her loss if she chooses not to look over the wall and see what good has developed on the other side.
Anyway, we also watched an old video tape of a New Year's celebration of hmm... at least 15 years ago (before I even came to America.) It was such a FUNNY sight seeing how YOUNG and different our aunties, uncles, and grandparents were -- not to mention how different my cousins looked when they were younger. As one of my cousins said, "Damn, you guys were all ugly!" hahaha... I look forward to next year when we'll see a tape from the early 1990s and how MY family looked back then.
Yup, I tossed away her phone number after leaving Sports Chalet. If she had given it to me after February 19, I would have kept it, but hey, no regrets. I am not in a desperate need for a girlfriend. A former friend of mine once taught me, "Women love being called 'babe'" and gave me some pick-up lines to use. Boy, they were really good. He really does seem to have a lot of charm and know-how on how women think and what they want, but you know: I don't need words or lines. I want to ensure that whoever the next special person may be, that she'll be treated just that: special. So, no, I'm in no rush. I don't need to go out with over 8 women to know what I want. I already know what I want.
You asked me to promise to go on dates and meet fresh women, but no: I promised February 19 and I'll keep it that way. After that, my doors for Kim WILL be slammed shut and sealed. She already knows about that anniversary and although we haven't talked for nearly 3 weeks, it's all up to her now.
Lexi, you should definitely take your own advice though. Mourning over Tim for so long isn't healthy. He WANTS you to be happy. Go make him happy.
I don't think it's a good idea to try to hook up your classmate with the teacher. In fact, I'd advise her to wait until the course is OVER and after the grades have been turned in before she even CONSIDERS going out with a professor. It's simply unprofessional on his part if he were to go out with her. I, myself, made it perfectly clear to some of my students that I would not go out with a student (and re-iterated that I was in a relationship -- but that apparently doesn't have any effect on some people. What's wrong with those people??)
Why were you thinking of me when you guys talked about hooking up your teammate with the instructor?
When you mentioned how outspoken one of your classmates was in regards to multiple choice exams, it made me smile. I had such a student in one of my stressful classes too. He was adamantly against using PowerPoint slides for lectures (which, in a way, is an insult considering that my slides were deemed highly effective in teaching the course material) and was very vocal about it too. He actually praised one of our school's WORST teachers for his use of the board instead of slides. Apparently, chit chatting with the students, rather than teaching, was favorable to that student. Teaching can be a very unthankful profession. I actually decided to no longer teach for the near future and rather focus on myself.
Anyway, I'm becoming quite happy with where I am now, with or without Kim. I have lots of things I still want to accomplish, and whatever I cannot complete before life becomes busy again, I will leave those open to experience with my new love.
Hmm... time to turn off the relaxing music that's been playing... Animal Planet's Jeff Corwin is coming up. Ciao
Michael